Today's Important Lessons

Here are a few things I’ve learned about life, the universe and everything this morning:

1. Empty vacuums suck more. I changed the vacuum bag during my spate of housecleaning, and discovered a world of difference. Not only is the vacuum lighter and more powerful now, but I got the extra treat of being creeped out by the old vacuum bag. It was so soft and pliable, all filled with dirt and cat hair and various other stuff, and lay there limply with its one long arm dangling out. It was like a heavy, dirt-filled corpse.

2. Cats don’t like vacuums. If you vacuum anywhere near a cat, they will run away and hide somewhere.

2a. Cats especially don’t like being chased by a vacuum. And they really hate it if you chase them while yelling, “Wahoo! Kitty-up!” Do this, and they’ll most likely flee to some high-up place and glare down at you like you’re History’s Greatest Monster for at least an hour.

3. Cat hair and kitty litter are both evil. They get everywhere. Especially in the corners where the vacuum won’t reach. I never dreamed I would one day need to sweep my carpet along the edges and corners with a broom before being able to vacuum. And the kitty litter, when swept, tends to bounce around like the small colorful balls in a child’s “popcorn” toy. Hair and litter are, like root beer, insidious. I will personally send a quarter to the first person (besides Scott) who can identify the source of my “root beer=insidious” reference.

4. I am stupid. I started the water running in the shower, reached my hand in to test the temperature, then pulled out my hand and dried my hand off on my towel before proceeding to step in the shower and completely soak not only my hand, but the rest of my body as well. Amazing how it has taken me nearly 31 years to figure out that the drying of the hand is, essentially, pointless.

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