Workplace Theater

Workplace Theater presents: “Good”

Backstory: Garage Guy D is the assistant manager down at one of the garages, and sometimes brings that garage’s paperwork to the main office. He’s the only smoker in the whole company, I think . . . his paperwork always reeks of stale cigarettes.

Here’s a standard conversation between me and GGD:

GGD: (rings doorbell)
ME: (opens door)
GGD: Hey, how are you?
ME: Good, how are you?
GGD: Eh, it’s Tuesday.

Every time I return the useless, non-caring “how are you” crap, he answers with the day of the week.

Yesterday:

GGD: (rings doorbell)
ME: (opens door)
GGD: Hi there, how are you?
ME: Good, how are you?
GGD: Well, it’s Thursday. Almost Friday.
(pause)
ME: Dude, why don’t you just say “good”?
GGD: Huh?
ME: Why don’t you just say “good”?
GGD: Oh, I don’t want to waste it.

FIN

Workplace Theater

Workplace Theater Presents: “Carrots and Potato Chips”

The backstory: Coworker B has a bag of those peeled baby carrots in the company fridge. The previous day, she’d offered that if I’d like to eat some carrots, they were there and available. An unrelated-to-the-theater fact is that she’s constantly munching on them at her desk. For hours. Loudly. Anyhoo:

CB: Coworker B
SK: Skinny Boss
ME: Moi

SK: Hey, CB, I had some of your carrots last night. I was hungry.
CB: That’s OK, no problem.
SK: They were really good.
CB: Oh, yeah, I love carrots! I eat them like potato chips.
SK: (turns to go back to office, spins back, points at me) I bet Missy eats potato chips!
ME: What?
SK: Yeah, like, barbeque flavor!
ME: What?
SK: (makes spiky fingers above his head) Because of your hair!
ME: What?
SK: Yeah, barbeque potato chips, for your hair!
ME: What on earth are you talking about?
CB: Haha, yeah! Like asparagus!
ME: WHAT?
CB: You know, like when you eat asparagus, your hair changes color!
ME: (horrified expression) Um, it’s not your hair that changes color when you eat asparagus.
SK: Ha ha ha!
ME: So are you saying I must eat barbeque potato chips because . . . my hair is brown?
SK: Ha ha ha!
CB: Once I ate cherries, and my hair turned pink!

FIN

People!

Person #1: So on one of the audition notices I put up, I had to include a phone number. I put in my message line (555-66-MISSY) which records voicemails and delivers them to my email as a WAV file. On the audition notice, I put very plainly to contact me via email.

Just got a message from a guy, asking if he really had to bring a headshot. So I called him back and left a detailed message on his voicemail, all about how we’d at least need a snapshot, something clear of his face, so we can remember who he is during the after-audition decision-making process.

He called back immediately. I answered with hello, and instead of identifying himself, he started with: “Yeah, someone just called me from this number.”

WAIT TWO MINUTES, butthead! Maybe that caller left you, I dunno, a MESSAGE?

Person #2: A girl wrote me an email expressing her interest in the auditions, but she had some other questions about the show. Silly thing, she didn’t include those questions in her email. So I wrote back, offering to answer any questions she has, she just needed to ask them. What commenced was a series of four emails, each with different groups of questions, such as: “Is this for television, or audience only?” She asked if there was a website, and I sent her the link. The next question was: “Will this take place on weeknights, weekends, daytime, evening, or both?” . . . despite the show times/days being clear on the website. I was patient and pleasant with my answers.

Her last one was sent this past Friday, and in it she wrote, “See you tomorrow!” I wrote back reminding her that auditions weren’t Saturday the 14th, they were Saturday the 21st. She wrote back:

Oh gosh, I don’t know what made me think that the auditions were tomorrow. I’m not going to be able to make it. I have an acting workshop from 9:45 – 5:30 on the 21st. I’m so sorry.

AAARRGGGHHH!

GEEEEEEK

Let’s talk Star Trek. I’m asking the eternal question: Who was the best captain?

Also, what’s your criteria for judging the best captain?

A while back, Scott got into this very conversation with a woman. She claimed Kirk, he claimed Picard. She was all, “But Kirk is so much more fun to watch!” Scott countered that with his opinion that Picard was a better captain because he was more sensible, less hasty, more of a thinker and less of a let’s-go-make-sweet-alien-love-immediately kind of guy.

She looked at him strangely and said, “Um, so you’re talking about him as if he were a real person. Um, that’s scary.”

Is it any wonder we hate people?

Workplace Theater Presents…

Workplace Theater Presents: “The Star Wars Conversation”

CB: Coworker B
ME: Me
BB: Big Boss

BB: (on the way out the door) I better get these parking passes to the movie theater so they give me my Star Wars tickets!

(BB exits, approximately two minutes of silence)

CB: How is James Cameron able to do all of those Star Wars prequels?
ME: Uh, what?
CB: How can James Cameron make those Star Wars movies?
ME: What Star Wars movies?
CB: You know, those prequels that he did.
ME: I don’t know what you’re talking about, what prequels did James Cameron do?
CB: You know, the ones before the first ones, there was one that was “Phantom” something.
ME: Do you mean episodes one, two and three? That’s not James Cameron, it’s George Lucas.
CB: Oh, that’s right. (pause) So how is he able to do the prequels?
ME: What do you mean?
CB: Well, how did he get the rights to do them?
Me: Um . . . George Lucas is the original director and writer of Star Wars. He has all the rights already.
CB: Oh, huh!

FIN