American Idol 8 / Semifinals Week 1
Aw yeah! It’s American Idol time again! Which means it’s time to judge kids harshly. Tonight we’ll have 12 contestants sing, 6 of each gender, and apparently we’ll pick a top three. Does that mean there’ll be a judges’ wildcard selection from the bunch?
First, Seacrest (looking quite preppy) chats with the judges. Simon tells us that there are no second chances — only three will go through each week. Seacrest goes on to elaborate that the top vote-getting girl and the top vote-getting guy will move on, as well as the next-highest vote getter. Then there’ll be three more spots in a wildcard show. So it looks like we may not go into the finals with an even split of boys and girls … and I couldn’t be happier! Let’s have the best possible top 12, regardless of gender.
Tonight the gang will be singing Billboard hot 100 hits, anytime since the inception of the Billboard hot 100. Good gravy, that’s a lot of options. As usual, song selection will be key for these kids.
1. Jackie Tohn: Ah, yes — she’s the one who made the window shades fall down on the judges. She’s doing “A Little Less Conversation”. Her outfit is godawful ugly, and the microphone appears to have been chromed this year, instead of the usual matte black. I’m afraid I’m going to have to hit the caps lock button to fully express: THIS PERFORMANCE IS A TRAINWRECK. Holy crap, terrible. And of course, only Simon is willing to point out that it wasn’t very good. But now it’s three idiots against Simon, instead of just two. Great.
2. Ricky Braddy: Not long ago, he was serving chicken fingers. HOT. I don’t know if we’ve seen much of this guy through the auditions process. Tonight he’ll sing a Leon Russell song, “A Song for You”. He’s decent, I suppose, but he sounds like a thousand other boys with a high boy voice. At least he’s hitting notes, as opposed to Jackie. Randy then calls it the “start of season eight” (oh SNAPS, Jackie). The other judges have good things to say as well, although Simon doesn’t think the kid has star quality. Which is entirely true.
Commercials: Here in Orlando, this break contained a well-placed ad for the new American Idol Experience attraction. Well done, Disney.
3. Alexis Grace: Per the judges’ requests, she “dirtied herself up” by coloring some hair pink and wearing animal prints and lingerie on the outside. She’s singing “Never Loved a Man” and channeling her inner Aretha (but without the big-bow hat). She sings well, although it’s not the greatest song. And her idea of being sexy is apparently to stomp around and hunch over. The judges like her overall, and then Simon declares her the best so far. Well yeah, but look at the two who came before. Before Alexis goes upstairs, we cut to a shot of Neil Patrick Harris and Ted Danson in the audience. Wowsers.
4. Brent Keith: The poor kid is hit with a tape problem, but they do get it figured out. And thank god we got to see footage of the female judges going “under the table”. Tonight he’s doing a country-rock song called “Hick Town”. He uses a microphone stand, or as we know it, a Performance Inhibitor™. It’s … okay, I guess. I don’t like country. But it sounds like he’s in tune and such. The kid just strikes me as bland. The judges are split; Randy is all for country, Kara hopes for more soul, the ladies both call the song “safe”. Simon calls it “not safe, but forgettable.” Spot on.
5. Stevie Wright: Apparently Simon has never liked her. She’s a mere 17. She’ll be doing Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” because it’s a young song. She starts out singing REALLY low, and she doesn’t have the ability to support notes that low. It’s shaky and weird. It gets a little better as she goes along, but I can hear the very distinctive sound of nervousness in her voice — it lends a kind of bleating, quivering sound. The judges are in consensus: not the right song, a weird choice, a safe choice, and in Simon’s words, “quite terrible”.
I should point out now that I’m fast-forwarding past all of the talky-talk with the parents and loved ones. Not only is it filler, but it’s repetitive filler. “My little girl did great” over and over.
6. Anoop Desai: He’s going to sing Monica’s “Angel of Mine”, and every song he’ll sing will be something he’s always wanted to see on the show. Okay. But this angel song … ugh. It’s schlocky and kind of wimpy. He sings it well, but the song itself is pretty bad. Randy finds it sharp throughout. Kara agrees. Paula compares him to Brian McKnight, and Simon calls the song too grown-up and serious. Yes, yes, yes, Simon.
7. Casey Carlson: She works at a bubble tea shop, so I like her already. And she seems to like to wear fun little hats. She’s going to sing “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by the Police, and it’s the first song sung tonight that is one I already love. Will she screw it up? In one word, yes. I’ll bet Simon will call the performance “karaoke”. It’s full of awkward little pauses, really off notes, and performance crap like winks and head snaps. Randy gets to the word “karaoke” first, HA! Kara hates on the dancing and motions. Paula calls her phrasing weird. That hits all of my comments, and Simon hasn’t even spoken yet. He hates on the song as much as everyone else, and finally her torture is over. Oh, except now she has to have her mom fawning all over her, when she’d probably rather just crawl into a hole and be alone for a while.
8. Michael Sarver: The roughneck. I saw Mike Rowe do roughnecking on Dirty Jobs, and that stuff looks TOUGH. He’s doing “I Don’t Wanna Be”, which we’ve seen done on American Idol several times over the last 7 seasons. It may not be the absolute best performance musically, but he sure looks like he’s having a great time, and that adds a lot. Randy thinks it was the wrong song, and not performed well. Kara notes that it’s a great crowd-pleaser song (which makes it “safe” and “easy” in a way). Paula likes it, but doesn’t like it when he changes hands with the microphone. Simon comments on his likeability and hopes that America puts him through based on that.
9. Ann Marie Boskovich: She’s a waitress and a “demo singer”. She was too bland at her first audition, and the judges sent her out to find more star quality. She’s going to do “Natural Woman” tonight. I wonder if this is the same backing track that I got to sing to at the American Idol Experience — it certainly sounds similar. She makes some odd choices where the song gets really dramatic, and tries to add too much in. Randy doesn’t like the song choice, and doesn’t think Ann Marie was strong enough for it. Kara calls the song too old for her. Paula gives her props for not being “safe”. Simon compares her to a hotel singer, and says the song destroyed her.
10. Stephen Fowler: So this is the guy who totally boned it on the last performance in Hollywood. I have to wonder how that will make America vote. For his second chance tonight, he’s going to sing Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You”. He’s singing really softly, and through the verse he’s slightly flat. He hits a big, dramatic note, and it’s really bad. His voice cracks in the middle of it. Randy says it wasn’t good. Kara wishes for the connection with the piano. We cut to a shot of Seacrest watching the judges, with his head tilted to the side like he’s digging something out of his ear. Paula and Simon, nothing terribly supportive from either. Absolutely the wrong song, and Simon calls it corny. True dat.
11. Tatiana Del Toro: I’ll tell you all right now, I can’t STAND this girl. And I can’t believe she’s here, in place of other, more talented, less irritating, less completely batshit insane girls. Anyhoo, let’s all prepare to hear her both laugh and cry some more, shall we? She’s going to sing, as she puts it, “Saving All of My Love for You” by Whitney Houston. It’s always nice when they don’t even know the correct title of the song they’re going to sing. We also get laughing and tears by the end of the package. Perfect. She starts out singing weirdly soft, changes a couple of important notes to something easier, and holds notes too long at times, like it’s Broadway. The audience certainly seems to like the crazy chick singing the adultery song, though. Randy gives her credit for a couple of moments of actual competence. Kara compares her to a roller coaster. Paula tells her that she had some beautiful moments. Simon calls her “a complete and utter drama queen”, as well as “desperate to be famous”, and of course, he’s spot on. Although her singing was better than he expected.
12. Danny Gokey: Before we get one second into his pre-sing package, I’ll put it out there that this guy is my pick, right now, to win this season. That said, I hope he doesn’t let me down tonight. He’s going to sing Mariah Carey’s “Hero”. And he knocks it out of the park. All of the notes are right where they should be. His tone is awesome. The audience loves him. Three of the judges go crazy for him, and Simon calls him very very good. He was certainly the perfect choice to close the show.
Recaps: Jackie is spasmodic. Ricky is boring. Alexis is sultry. Brent is too hickrific. And that’s where my TiVo cuts off, so I don’t get to see the rest.
Now, for my selections. I obviously have to go with Danny for my top boy, and I guess Alexis for my top girl — not that she blew me away, but every other girl did less well. And my third choice, because I think he’s going to get tons of votes, is Anoop.
