American Idol 8 / Semifinals week 2
It’s time for Idol! My joints are swollen so I’m typing very slow, and I’m on something called Hydroxyzine, which is designed to make me non-itchy, or drowsy, or not-anxious. So this should be awesome.
Seacrest is extra awkward tonight. Where can you find a welder? A comedian? A font designer? Nowhere! … but here! That just doesn’t sound right.
The judges’ intros and comments are making me sleepy, so I’m fast-fowarding a bit.
1. Jasmine Murray: Cute and a fan favorite (I believe), but she’s put in an awkward position, first out of the gate. She’s going to do Sara Bareilles’ “Love Song,” a song we’ve heard a lot lately. And she starts TERRIBLY. Too low, totally flat. Oh noes! Flat, flat, flat. Agonizing. This is worse than karaoke, and I can’t imagine the judges liking it. Randy calls it pitchy, and not the right song. Kara calls her commercial, but says it was all over the place, and she started too low. Paula wants to disagree, but can’t. And Simon is disappointed because he likes her, but she doesn’t have a great voice. At least she doesn’t have to go upstairs and be mobbed by family members.
2. Matt Giraud: The dueling piano player, who now looks kind of hagged-out. I don’t know. He’s going to do some Coldplay, but with a “soulful twist.” He’s using the microphone stand, also known as the Performance Inhibitor™. He sounds nervous as hell, and kind of flat. And this song is musically totally boring. I can’t decide if he’s even worse than Jasmine. Kara wanted a different style. Paula … I spaced out, and I’m not rewinding. Simon calls him an uncool wannabe pop star (I originally wrote poop star, but fixed it … maybe I shouldn’t fix these things). Randy wants him to do more difficult songs. Matt also gets to stay downstairs. Will there be no more parental coddling upstairs after the kids perform?
3. Jeanine Vailes: I don’t recall much of her from the audition weeks. She’s going to do Maroon 5′s “This Love,” like she’s some kind of Blake Lewis or something. Her shorts are really short, and her legs are really long. And she’s … less flat than the previous two. But she’s still flat, and all over the place, and again it’s the completely wrong song selection. But it’s the best tonight, which isn’t saying much. Paula compliments her legs, says it’s season 8, then passes it to Simon. Of course, Simon calls it terrible, and says that everyone tonight is choosing the wrong song. Simon also compliments her legs. Randy agrees about the legs, and the badness of the song. Kara agrees.
4. Nick Mitchell: AKA Norman Gentle. I still don’t know what to think about this guy. I hate his schtick, but his voice occasionally surprises me. He’s wearing his khaki shorts and shiny shirt, but with a white waiter’s jacket over the top. He’s more on-key than anyone else so far, but he’s singing way up in his nose. He crawls all over, calls out NPH as “Doogie,” and entertains the hell out of the crowd. Simon starts with comments, and prays that he doesn’t move through to the next round. Nick calls him “Sassypants.” Randy gives him props for one of the most entertaining performances ever. Kara calls him memorable, and Paula pretty much says it’s up to America. Then the post-sing interview is long and drawn out and I can barely keep my eyelids open.
5. Allison Iraheta: She’s 16, with awesome Kool-Aid©™® red hair. And her mouth is totally awkward, because she has braces on her lower teeth, but not her uppers. I recall seeing her in the previous rounds, but I don’t remember much about her. She’s going to do Heart’s “Alone,” another tough song. She starts with the mike stand, and of course, she’s singing too low. She does drop the mike stand for the chorus, but there’s something off about it — “pitchy”, as Randy would say. Man, nobody’s nailing it so far tonight. Randy tells her she “blew it out the box.” What? He also says she “might be one of the hottest tonight”. Just might, mind you. He clearly hasn’t made up his mind. Kara fawns, Paula fawns, even Simon fawns. But the best tonight doesn’t mean so much, seeing what all has come before.
6. Kris Allen: A kid from Arkansas who I don’t recognize. In Hollywood, he sang and played a guitar with big lengths of extra guitar string hanging off the end. Classy. He’s going to sing “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, and I can’t help but think the song choice is a horrible mistake. Let’s see. The first line has a note too low, of course. He sounds nervous and shaky. At least the chorus is mostly on pitch. Mostly. He does get better, and the performance eventually becomes decent. Kara agrees, the back half was better. She also agrees, wrong song. Paula disagrees, loves the song, thinks he nailed it. Simon agrees with Paula (what?) and she smooches him. Randy sort of agrees.
7. Megan Joy Corkrey: I remember her unique audition in SLC. Very different. Yet another single mother missing her kid. She’s going to do “Put Your Records On,” a song which I like. I have high hopes for this one. She standing behind the mike stand, with weirdly curled hair. Her performance is weirdly over-enunciated (and that’s coming from me, a totally anal enunciator). It’s just generally … awkward. Her movements are stiff and awkward, and the sound coming out of her isn’t the same cool hip thing from before. Now it’s more like a stilted Broadway delivery. Paula says she picked the right song and did everything right. Simon calls her a “funny little thing,” then says she oversang and shouted the second part of the song. He hopes America votes for her. Randy likes it, and Kara calls her “packaged.” Hmm.
8. Matt Breitzke: Ah, our other tough workingman. The welder to mirror last week’s roughneck. He’s going to sing Tonic’s “If You Could Only See,” a song I really really like. He’s using the mike stand, and it makes his dancing awkward. But he sound pretty good, although I wish he’d transcribed it up a little higher. He biffs a couple of notes, but on the whole sounds … all right. Biggest problem is that he’s not a performer — his facial expressions and movements are terribly odd. Simon hated the song, but likes Matt. He finds the song boring and unsuitable. Randy wanted it to be cooler, Kara wants to see different sides of him, Paula feels the song didn’t celebrate who they fell in love with.
9. Jesse Langseth: Is a girl. But I always thought of “Jesse” as the boy variation of the name, like in the Rick Springfield classic “Jesse’s Girl.” The she-Jesse should be Jessie, like Cowgirl Jessie. But I digress. Another single mother who misses her kid, like every other woman on this show. What the heck?! She made it in after a sing-off, and is going to do “Bette Davis Eyes” tonight. Hello, 1981! I’m so used to Kim Carnes’ gravelly delivery on this song, this feels really karaoke. She hits a couple of dud notes later on, and the ending trails off weirdly. The edits of these songs are always so strange. Randy thought it was cool and OK, but not really exciting. Kara compliments her look, and there were likeable moments. Paula finds her captivating. Simon thinks she’s forgettable, although she has a nice voice.
Commercials: Dunkin’ Donuts has a waffle breakfast sandwich. The buns are waffles. Why has nobody thought of this before? BRILLIANT! If only I ate the gluten.
10. Kai Kalama: He was encouraged to “dirty it up,” and watch Simon for confidence lessons. He’s going to sing “What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted,” which strikes me as a bad choice. However, the modern songs aren’t hitting tonight; maybe something more classic will actually work. First off, it appears that he thinks “confidence” mean sneering. He sings all right, but it’s a boring performance. Most of his notes are where they should be, and I’m yawning. Kara likes him, but he had some pitch issues for her. She also finds the song too old-fashioned. Paula thinks it’s obvious that he likes the “throwback” songs, and calls him “quite the performer.” Really? Really, Paula? Simon calls it corny and wedding/hotel quality. Spot on. Randy agrees with “Sime-dog.” Really? Really, Randy?
11. Mishavonna Henson: She made it to Hollywood last year, and worked on improving herself all year long. She’s going to sing Train’s “Drops of Jupiter,” another 90s hit that could be hit-or-miss. Her voice is good, and I’d love to hear her sing something from the 40s. But like many of the 90s songs today, it’s not musically very thrilling. The “eh-eh-eh” parts are weird, and it’s another odd trailing-off ending. Paula dogs on the song choice, it wasn’t exciting. It left Simon cold; he found it too serious. Randy agrees with Simon that she sings much older than she is. Finally, Kara loves the song but doesn’t like how uptight and put-together the girl is.
12. Adam Lambert: This is the guy who’s been in Wicked, and does indeed sound a bit too Broadway at times. Although he acknowledges that he needs to make his performance not so big, since in this venue he’s right in our faces. He’s going to do the Stones’ “Satisfaction,” which may be yet another awful song choice. It starts out weird and low and slow. Then it gets louder, faster, and boring. He’s gong way overboard again, it’s very Broadway, then it gets all funky and strange. Still, the audience is all standing and clapping, and it’s one of the best performances on this very mundane and sub-par night. Paula loves. Simon finds it difficult, torn between bad and brilliant. Randy loves. Kara loves.
Recaps: Jasmine stinks. Matt G blows. Jeanine has legs. Nick wears sweatbands. Allison shouts. Kris isn’t awful. Megan Joy sounds totally off. Matt B is boring. Jesse could be good. Kai shouldn’t have done a “classic.” Mishavonna did all right. Adam did Broadway wailing.
Now it’s time to make my picks. I think Adam is a given. I’m torn between Jesse and Mishavonna for the top girl. Guess I’ll go with Mishavonna. And then, for me, it’s a tough choice between two guys who are probably fan favorites — Nick and Matt B. I’m going to go completely insane and pick Nick as my third choice, because I’m hopped up on too many meds and I think America is all too good at making weird and wrong choices.
