Dancing with the Stars: Week 2 Results
Last night: boys and girls together! Baz Luhrmann said “fabulous” a lot! The scores were really super duper close! Anyone could go home, but it’ll take 55 minutes of filler before we find out who that anyone is. It’s time for Dancing with the Stars!
Out of 14 celebrities, there were only 6 total scores. Two teams tied at 27, Donny, like the cheese, stood alone at 25, two teams tied at 18, and a huge wad of teams got 19, 20, or 21 points. And according to the DwtS post on Facebook, we may be in for a surprise elimination. I just hope that Mark and Kelly stay in it. Anyone else can get the boot.
After an epic recap, Baz gets the honor of naming the encore dance. It’s Mya & Dmitry doing their Jive. After they dance (and it seems like a really short dance) we get a recap of where everyone stands on the leaderboard. Man, there are a TON of teams with scores of 18 or 19. If both Kathy and Tom have good fanbases, one of those 19s is going home.
All of the teams line up on stage, and I finally notice Samantha’s outfit. She’s like a frightening, vacant-eyed dominatrix. Or a vacant-eyed glamorous vampire. First up, we’re going to send three couples to safety. Those couples are: Donny & Kym, Mya & Dmitry, and Aaron & Karina. What a shocker, the top three scoring couples. We see a fresh leaderboard, and all of the remaining teams have either 21, 20, 19 or 18 points from last night. If it’s going to be a surprising elimination, I’m going to say either Joanna or Chuck is toast.
Our first filler performance is Joss Stone, who I used to think was a guy. Because the only other Joss I’d heard of was Joss Whedon. She’s barefoot. And her backup singers are shimmying like crazy. A pair of professional dancers come out and dance, but they have a couple of stumbles. I do like the idea of outsourcing the results-show performances to other pros, so the show’s stable of pros has an easier workload. I don’t care for this song so much, so I’m fast-forwarding through. The dance looks pretty cool at fast-forward.
The next segment is a package about the new DwtS training center. And I have to wonder why it took 9 seasons to come up with this brilliant idea. A converted warehouse-looking building with six dance studios inside, including one room that’s the same size and shape and setup as the actual performance stage. Now they can stop renting out rehearsal spaces around L.A., which must be quite an expensive endeavor. Plus, it’s nice that the stars can interact more with each other during the day. Just looking at these big rooms with their smooth hardwood floors makes me want to throw on my roller skates and buzz around. Scott wonders if they’ll rent this space out to So You Think You Can Dance, or if they’ve already gone in halfsies with Nigel Lythgoe on the place. That would be doubly brilliant.
Back to the results! We’re going to visit with the three couples who scored 21 points last night. Will they be safe, or will they see the red light? Mark & Lacey are safe. Natalie & Alec … are safe. Debi & Maks … … are still in jeopardy. But not necessarily in the bottom two? I don’t know what this means.
The Macy’s design-a-dance contest continues, and Duran Duran didn’t win. It’ll be a Paso Doble to “Eye of the Tiger”, and now we get to choose which of nine former celebrity competitors get to dance. Abc.com, blah blah blah.
Our next filler is Selena Gomez, and it sure sounds like she’s lip-synching. But I can’t be sure. I’m kind of ashamed to admit that I like this song better than the Joss Stone song. It has a real throwback 80s-pop sound. Regular pros Karina & Derek come out and dance, and it’s quite nice. Afterward, we head back where Samantha the glamour vampire interviews safe people, including Kym, the Xanadu pirate. HOT. Back onstage, the two couples who received 20 points last night. Joanna & Derek are safe, while Michael & Anna are also safe.
After a commercial break, we’ll check in with the four couples who ended last night at 19 points. Chuck & Anna are safe, so there goes my guesswork. Chuck’s friend Mickey Rourke applauds from the audience, where he wears a young hipster hat and looks like a burnt-out oldster. I’ve always found him to be vaguely slimy, and age hasn’t helped with that. Back to the couples: Melissa & Mark are safe. Kelly & Louis are safe! Louie & Chelsie are still in jeopardy. My favorites are both safe, so there’s no more stress tonight for me.
Time for another package, this one about how the professional dancers have to fix the celebrities’ bad habits. Models pose too much. Actors have trouble focusing (What? Huh? Missed that, have to rewind.) and listening. Athletes have problems associated with muscle memory from their various sports. Basically, they’re all pains in the butt who need to change everything they are and do.
The next musical segment is dancers and musicians from the USC marching band. They start outside the studio, then march their way through a hallway and onto the stage. The dancers range from hip-hop guys in matching gold velour track suits to tapper/stomper guys in varsity sweaters. Honestly, it’s all much more entertaining (with a Benny Hill flair) in the slowest fast-foward setting.
Back up is Joss Stone, singing the classic “Son of a Preacher Man”. More of our in-house pros dance, and … you guys, you should watch these things in fast-foward too. It makes things like the four-person Samba roll look way cooler. Afterward, there’s interviewing backstage. Blah blah blah. Back out to Tom, with the two couples who scored 18 points last night. Tom & Cheryl are safe, and Kathy & Tony are still in jeopardy.
Commercials (Christian Slater got another show that I won’t be watching) and we’re down to three couples in jeopardy. One of them is safe: it’s Louie & Chelsie. That leaves Debi & Maks and Kathy & Tony as the bottom two. My prediction last night was that Kathy would go home, but DwtS implied a surprise. Who will go home: the crazy bird or the block of wood? It’s the block of wood, and my prediction was right. Kathy & Tony are out. Debi looks really rattled; I have to wonder if she has much of a fanbase at all. The losers head center stage for a shuffling prom-like final dance, we thank guest judge Baz, and the band launches into “If I Could Turn Back Time”. Excellent.
