It’s finally time for the top 12! The big show! The big stage! And now for me, it looks eerily like the stage at the American Idol Experience here at Walt Disney World. Odd how your world changes!

We intro the judges, intro Ryan, and then intro the top 12. I’m glad, at least, that as we pan across the group, I know all of their first names. (Even though Siobhan is in disguise with a new hairstyle). Tonight they’ll be performing the music of the Rolling Stones. The Stones are, for me, a band whose talent I can recognize and appreciate, but whose music does NOTHING for me. They’re like U2 in that way. I can see why people like them, but I don’t. So yeah, this won’t be the most fun for me. But it’ll be more tolerable than country night, that’s for sure.

Michael Lynche: “Miss You” – He starts out with a little falsetto, then rolls into some bluesy blues. It’s a nice change-up for the song, and he’s performing the hell out of it. He doesn’t seem intimidated by the huge theater at all, which is nice. Although his dancing is a little bit spastic at times. He’s mostly in tune, and just has a lot of fun with the song. Most of the judges like it, although Simon calls it “a tiny bit desperate.” I give him 7 out of 10.

Didi Benami: “Play with Fire” – She gets the coveted interview stools spot, where we get to find out that her mother gets nervous watching Didi perform. Wow, nice confidence in your burbling kid, ma. As for the song, she’s singing all right, but she’s staring down the barrel of the camera as if we’ve all pissed her off. Best not to glare at America, Didi. Even if you’re getting into the theme of the song. Overall, not too shabby. Her big power note is a little weird, and she maybe almost fumbled but recovered. A good showing for the first big night. 7 out of 10.

Please, Didi, don't hate me!

Casey James: “It’s All Over Now” – In his pre-sing package, we met Casey’s mom — she looked like Didi Conn when Casey was a boy, and looks like Katey Segal now. Casey’s rocking a pretty blue guitar, and sometimes he doesn’t even need to use his left hand (oh, that sounds dirty). He’s hitting the country southern rock sound tonight, and he’s doing all right, but the song itself doesn’t have much range. I wonder if the judges will consider this a “safe” choice. I certainly do. But NO, the judges are all about the Casey love. Well, except for Simon, who wants Casey to push himself beyond standing and playing the guitar; to do something incredible and be a star. To stick with tonight’s theme, 7 out of 10.

Lacey Brown: “Ruby Tuesday” – First off, I’ve given the Ruby Tuesday restaurant chain three chances, and they’ve earned three strikes with me. Both food and service. I’d rather go to the horrible Applebee’s. Now, as for Lacey … it’s not that good. The strings are fun and all, but she sounds incredibly nervous and her notes are all over the place. Sharp and flat. Tonight Didi creamed her in the Grey’s Anatomy-style battle. She sits down at the end, which is so not dynamic. Judge keywords include: interesting, weird, sleepy. Sadly, I’m giving her a 5 out of 10.

Andrew Garcia: “Gimme Shelter” – My favorite part of this song is the instrumental introduction, which we just skip right over for this. Andrew bolts himself down wiht a microphone stand, and doesn’t get to see much of the stage real estate. It sounds all right, although some notes are weird, but it’s just not exciting. He could be anyone up there; there’s nothing really changed or unique. It felt really karaoke for me. The judges are very mixed. 6 out of 10.

Katie Stevens: “Wild Horses” – She gets the stool interview, and Ryan makes the great point that all throughout the semifinals, she was tasked with singing things that were younger and more current, and now she’s saddled with fossil music. She starts her performance perched on a stool in a ghastly short dress, which is awkward. She’s also struggling with the low notes a little bit. I hope whichever judge criticized Didi for making “fire” two syllables gets on Katie’s case for her “wi-yuld” horses. She gets an awesome split-screen thing, with her huge head looming over her tiny self. It’s just OK, not setting my world on fire. Or fi-yure, either. “Better than last week” isn’t a rave review. 6 out of 10.

Ol' split-screen Katie.

Commercials: Because I’m watching this on my computer, I don’t fast-forward like I normally would. I have to click along the player bar bit by bit to advance through the ads. Which means with every click, I get a little bit of commercial. The best three-click combo so far: “driving … TJ Maxx … butter sauce.” Mmm, yeah. I’d drive that, baby.

Tim Urban: “Under My Thumb” – He’s strumming an acoustic guitar, planted firmly behind a microphone stand, and you know he’s not going to use the stage. He’s arranged the song to a reggae beat(?!). I was going to say that it was going all right, but then he hit a couple of real sucky notes. The tempo is plodding and boring. Then it gets even more boring, and then he ends with a whimper instead of a bang. Randy nails it as “bizarre.” The whole thing brings to mind a quote a friend always used to use: “I’m not a loser, I tried! That makes me a failure. 3 out of 10.

Siobhan Magnus: “Paint it Black” – She’s from a HUGE family. Are they bigger than the Duggars? WOW. I also love her Gashylcrumb Tinies tattoo. But she’s SO BORING to me. I have to wonder if she’ll still bore me with such a dramatic song. It’s arranged all soft and with strings, and it’s almost like a broken-doll version of the song. There’s something odd about the tempo, and an equally strange key change. Then she comes out and the beat gets hard, and the boredom starts. It was more interesting with the broken-doll sound. Now it’s just nasal karaoke, and she sounds like she’s going to cry. She blasts a scream note, and the whole thing is just a weird freaky mixed bag of stuff. The judges love it, so I guess I just don’t see what other people see. Bleah. 6 out of 10.

Lee DeWyze: “Beast of Burden” – He used to work at a paint store, and in his stool interview, Ryan quizzes him on what color “Snugglepuss” is. He guesses correctly that it’s a purple. Impressive, young Jedi. Also, suddenly the guy in charge of putting the names up on the screen capitalizes the “W” in “DeWyze” for Lee’s parents. It’s always been lowercase before, but it’s felt like it should be capital. Anyhoo, he’s arranged the song to be a mellow, adult-alternative acoustic number. And you know what, it kind of works. As far as raspy guitar guys go, Lee is way tops over Andrew for me right now. Despite being stuck behind a guitar and a microphone stand, he’s still interesting. 8 out of 10.

Paige M1les: “Honky Tonk Woman” – She’s going country rock, with the breaks in her voice and everything. She spends the first part behind a microphone stand, but then gets moving after the first chorus. Speaking of that chorus, she creates all-new notes for the words “honky tonk woman”, and they’re very not good. And when she gets moving, it’s just stalking back and forth without purpose. Oh, apparently she’s been struggling with her voice. I guess then a country angle was the wise move, and that may explain the weird change to the notes of the chorus. The judges applaud her for doing well in the face of laryngitis, but Simon still wants her to make herself unique and interesting. Meh. 6 out of 10.

Aaron Kelly: “Angie” – He starts out sitting on the stairs, with a soft piano in the background. He’s a lot less nervous than I thought he’d be tonight, which is great. I don’t personally care for his tiny boy-band voice, but he’s moving around some and is actually emoting a bit. I picked him for elimination last week, and this week he’s much better. He’s not my thing, but I can see that little girls will love him, and he’s totally safe as houses. 7 out of 10.

Crystal Bowersox: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – What a shocker, huge favorite mamasox with the headlining spot. But she fills the spot fabulously. The competition is this girl’s to lose. She’s on with every note, she feels it, she lets us know she feels it. The arrangement doesn’t feel hacked up or weird at all. It’s by far and away the best performance of the night. Three judges loved it, but Simon things Siobhan did better. 9 out of 10, with a little wiggle room because I know she’ll do even better in the future.

My lowest score for the night was Tim Urban, but he’s still the favorite over at Vote for the Worst, and I think he’s actually got a fanbase out there. So I’m pegging Lacey for elimination. There were a lot of sixes and sevens for me tonight, and I’d love to see nights with eights and upward from everyone. Fingers crossed for next week.

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