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The first night of dancing is recapped over at The Disney Blog.
The second night of dancing is also recapped over at The Disney Blog.

My fellow recapper is doing The Disney Blog entry for the results show, so my own long-winded thoughts are here:

We’re eliminating one man and one woman tonight, and we have an hour to do it. That’s plenty of time to have a lot of pointless filler.

First off, the encore dance. The judges opt for Kelly & Louis to do their Viennese Waltz again, and it’s just as charming. She gets more adorable every time I see her.

Following the encore is a recap of the ladies’ dancing from Tuesday night. It goes on much longer than it should; we see chunks of dance, judge comments, and remarks from the contestants in the backstage confessional. And after spending a couple of minutes reviewing only the women’s performances … we’re going to start with the men’s elimination. What? In what universe does this make sense?

The first eight couples are out on the stage, and we’re going to send the first two to safety. We start with Louie & Chelsie, and then send Aaron & Karina to safety. No surprises yet; I figured they were both safe.

We come back from commercials, and it’s time for a guest performance. I looked away and didn’t pay attention when they said who this guy is. It’s a kind of hip-hop rap pop song, auto-tuned to within an inch of its life; it’s the kind of thing I hear at the roller rink when I go for my weekly open skate, and while it plays is the perfect time to catch up on other things.

Next up, a visit to the new “comedy” segment, the Losers Club. Kenny Mayne, Penn Jillette, and Jeffrey Ross all talk about how terrible they were on the show, and how they’re waiting with open arms for the first man and woman eliminated. Meh, it’s not terrible, but it’s not funny. Filler.

The next safe couple is Mark & Lacey, hooray! Sensei Ping lives to dance another day. Joining them are Chuck & Anna. Also safe are Donny & Kym. Five men are safe! Three remain! Terrible Tom, Awful Ashley, and Mediocre Michael. Who will get the boot first? Let’s hurry up and wait to see.

First let’s show the stars of the new ABC comedies, sitting in the front row. Hey, everyone — I think ABC wants you to watch those shows. God knows I’m not going to, so I guess you’ll have to. We hop backstage where Samantha interviews Chuck, Louie, and Chelsie while Anna stands there and looks gorgeous. We certainly don’t want the foreigner to speak.

Three men left. It’s safety for Tom & Cheryl! A tense moment, then we find out that Ashley & Edyta are going away, which means that Michael & Anna are safe. Ashley has nice things to say, as does Edyta. But thanks to the double elimination, we don’t have to sit through their last dance.

Next up is the premiere of a Miley Cyrus music video, so I fast-forward through the entire segment. Easy.

Time for the women, after we acknowledge Courtney Cox of Cougar Town in the audience. Now that that’s done, we can find out that Natalie & Alec are safe, as are Mya & Dmitry. Two are safe! Six remain! But before we can get to that, it’s time for another “comedy” segment! In this one, Adam Carolla gives a pep talk to the men, since women have won the last three seasons. He rides in on his unicycle, and proceeds to be much funnier than all three of the Losers club members combined. A Bruno-in-the-closet joke. To Donny: “You’re 51. When do we get to start calling you ‘Don’?” Tasting Mark’s face to see if he’s used his spray tan. We leave the segment to find Adam harshly comforting Ashley backstage, and then Bergeron plugs Adam’s Web site. Niiiiice.

We go straight from there to a performance from the cast of The Lion King. It’s everything you think it would be.

Time for three more couples to be safe. Melissa & Mark, Joanna & Derek, and Debi & Maks all get to breathe easier. Three more couples remain: two terrible ones, and poor little Kelly who did a great job. Backstage, Samantha interviews Natalie and Mya, and the’re both nervous but ready to dance next week, blah blah. Sam lets us know that Baz Luhrmann is going to be a guest judge next week, then we move on to a tribute to Patrick Swayze. Some pros dance to “She’s Like the Wind,” then Tony and Cheryl lead an abridged version of the “Time of My Life” dance from Dirty Dancing, including Baby’s big lift.

More commercials (I’m still not going to watch comedy Wednesday; that’s my roller skating night!) and more results. But first, let’s find out how Len feels the first week has gone. He blathers about how celebrities are like flowers. Come on, get to the important stuff! We get tiny recaps of Krappy Kathy, Manly Macy, and Kick-ass Kelly. First to safety are Kelly & Louis. Huzzah! The long pause, then we find out that Macy & Jonathan are done. Bergeron wanted to see what she’d say next week, but I bet the staff is glad they don’t have to hover over the bleep button now. Nice things are said, and now both couples have to do the uncomfortable, junior prom-like “final dance.” The band gives us a soft version of Supertramp’s “Goodbye Stranger,” and we close the show for this first too-damn-long week.