So in the barbecue sauce post, the concept came up that reduced-sugar products had blue labels. And reduced-fat had green. In the comments, it came up that in Canada and Australia, a blue label means low-salt.

I forayed out to the grocery store and looked around. Here’s the row of ketchups:

Where blue deals with sugar, orange is all about salt, and green is … organic.

The soup aisle disagreed completely:

Here, green is reduced sodium, while off-white is “light” — which usually means low-fat and low-calorie.

Overall, the color choices were all over the map. There doesn’t appear to be a consistent labeling system for anything here in the states. I guess each manufacturer chooses their own color scheme for the brightly colored banners that go on their foodstuffs.

You know what else is a variety of colors?

That’s right, Easter Peeps. They were stocking the Easter section at the Target when I was there, so I got to see them construct mount Peep here. But despite all of these Peeps, they still don’t carry the sugar-free ones. Or low-sugar. Or sugar-alcohols-that-will-give-you-the-runs Peeps.

Whatever they’re called, does anyone know where in Florida I can get some to try? Target and Publix are both no-go. Is this more of a drugstore/gas station thing? I know I can get them over at the Amazon, but seriously — two bucks for Peeps and five and a half for shipping? No thanks.

Plus, I much prefer the harder, Brach’s circus-peanut-style Easter marshmallow critters. Although they’re much harder to find, the smooshy texture can’t be beat.

BBQ sauce is a tougie as far as low-carb goes. There used to be a sugar-free sauce put out by … I’m tempted to say K.C. Masterpiece, but I may be wrong. One of the big names, anyway. It was discontinued probably 2 years ago.

It looks like there are a couple of sugar-free BBQ sauces on the market, but I’ve never seen them in any store. Scott’s, Smokin’ Joe, and Nature’s Hollow all come up on a Google search for sugar-free sauce, but I’d have to send away for them via mail-order. Since I’m both lazy and cheap, I threw together a sauce from what I had on hand.

For the base, I used the Heinz reduced-sugar ketchup. Many recipes would have you start with tomato sauce or tomato paste, but I figured the ketchup already has a little flavoring zip and zazz in it. Plus, it’s easily found — both the SuperTarget and Publix grocery stores in my area carry it. Look for the blue label — that seems to be the agreed-upon color for lower sugar content. Be warned, this ketchup is sweetened with sucralose (aka Splenda) instead of sugar, so if you’re avoiding artificial sweeteners, you would want to go with regular tomato sauce/paste.

Side note: it used to be, in days gone by, the condiment aisle had both ketchup and catsup. These days, at least in central Florida, it’s 100% ketchup. Did everyone decide on a common spelling at some point? Or is the southeast all about ketchup the same way they call pop “soda” all the time? Maybe there’s still catsup in the northwest. Anyone?

Anyhoo, here’s what I mixed:

5 oz. Heinz reduced-sugar ketchup*
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1 tsp liquid smoke
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp worcestershire sauce
2 pk (4 tsp) Splenda

* I did the ketchup by weight, so I could just squirt it straight into the saucepan, and not dirty up a measuring cup. But if you don’t have a food scale, I’d say it was roughly a cup or so of ketchup, maybe a little less. Since the bottle of ketchup is 14 ounces, it’s a little over a third of a bottle.

Mix it up, and heat it in a saucepan. (You can see some of the scratches on this saucepan — I’ve had the set since college.) For the batch, you’re looking at somewhere around 12 grams of carbohydrate. We threw some gluten-free little smokies in there, and ended up with three servings, so 4 grams of carb for the sauce on each serving.

I’d made this before, but I didn’t write the recipe down, or measure anything. Foolish! This time I used actual measuring implements, so I could report to you fine people. In future batches, I think I’ll add even more liquid smoke, because it wasn’t quite smoky enough. It was good, but it could be better. I think I’ll also squirt in some brown mustard for additional tanginess. So I’ll probably go with 2 tsp liquid smoke, and 1 or 2 tsp brown mustard.

At any rate, the smokies were grand. I believe these were the Target house brand.

I recorded the Dr. Oz show for the first time ever the other day, because science journalist Gary Taubes was a guest. And despite the tittilating episode title “The Man Who Thinks Everything Dr. Oz Says Is Wrong”, I hoped there would at least be a fair and free exchange of ideas and information.

What a fool I was!

To be fair, Oz did say a couple of things that weren’t moronic. One was that he respects Taubes’ opinions, even though his own differ. The other was that he approves of the fact that Taubes is challenging conventional wisdom, since that causes doctors, researchers, and scientists to take a good, hard look and double-check all of the information they’re handing out.

Not that Oz double-checked anything, or decided to revise what he’s telling people.

Things I learned from Oz:

► You should cut out added sugar, but you should then eat lots of fruit (sugar) and “healthy whole grains” (sugar).

► After living on sugar all day every day, when you don’t eat sugar for a day, you feel grumpy.

► If you’d normally eat a slab of salmon, green veggies, a salad, and some brown rice, that meal just doesn’t translate to Taubes’ vision. Why just lose the brown rice, when you can replace it all with a huge steak?

► Oz is used to eating five or six times a day. Not a surprise, since his diet of sugars would require frequent replenishment due to blood-sugar spikes and valleys.

► Oz has no problem turning to his guest, basically telling them to shut up, and then monologuing at them nonstop. When the guest might potentially bring up a salient point, it’s time to shout them down.

► The rest of the show consisted of … game shows? I never thought I’d say this, but I have more respect for the integrity of The Doctors.

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be watching Oz’s show ever again. I don’t understand what anyone sees in him — listening to his voice is like nails on a chalkboard (I compared it to a Jerry Lewis character), and he has a permanently smug expression on his face. I was surprised to see him eat meat in his “eat Taubes’ diet for 24 hours” joke of a segment, because looking at him, I would have guessed that he’s a vegetarian — he has the same scrawny, veiny look I’ve seen a lot.

Overall, I learned that those who blindly cling to conventional wisdom aren’t going to let go anytime soon. Despite the recent wave of articles, studies, and research supporting a low-carb, high-fat diet, it’s hard as hell to battle 50 years of misinformation and lies.

Before we get to the recipe, a couple of things. First off, Gary Taubes, author of Good Calories, Bad Calories and Why We Get Fat, will be appearing on the Dr. Oz show today. It’s my understanding that Dr. Oz is a big proponent of vegetarian eating and “healthy whole grains”, so it should be a fascinating program.

Also, on one of the low-carb blogs I read, today someone posted a recipe without any pictures. I gasped and clutched my pearls. Unbelievable!

Onward! The other day, The Gluten-Free Homemaker posted a recipe for meatballs. I’ve tried meatballs before, but without the breadcrumbs, they get really dry really fast. This recipe tickled me because she used potato flakes as the filling/binding agent. I read that and thought to myself, “Self, didn’t you used to put actual grated potato in your meatballs, years ago?”

Why yes. Yes I did.

So I made a few changes to GFH’s recipe, adding in more of the Italian flavorings I crave.

Gluten-Free, Low-Carb Beefmeat Balls

1-1/2 lbs. ground beef (I used 80/20 chuck)
1/3 cup potato flakes*
1/4 cup water (or milk, or stock, or broth — something to moisten those dried taters)
1 Tbsp parsley
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1 Tbsp chopped garlic (that’s right, double garlic)
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 egg

* I figured the potato flakes would be way carbier than they actually are. For the 1/3 cup, it’s 17 grams of carb, with 1 gram of fiber. That means for this batch of 20 large-ish meatballs, it’s less then one gram of potato-based carbohydrate per meatball. Compare a dish of 6 big-ass homemade meatballs to one of those craptacular low-carb wheat tortillas for the same carb load, and this meal totally comes out on top in any battle.

I threw on some of my trusty rubber gloves and mashed it all together. You certainly could use a mixer with a paddle attachment, but for me half the fun is getting in there with my hands.

Roll them into balls and put them on a baking sheet or pan. I used my cake sheet pan, lined with non-stick foil, because I didn’t know how big a pool of fat would form at the bottom. I’m glad I did — with the 80/20 beef, it was a sizeable amount of beefy grease. It might have overwhelmed a cookie sheet.

Bake in the oven at 400° for 15 minutes.

Now in my house growing up, we’d pan-fry meatballs. Which can be kind of messy and splattery. I’d never done them in the oven, and now I can’t imagine doing them anywhere else. They browned up beautifully, got a little of that crust on the outside, and were done through.

I made enough so that I could freeeze half of them. We’ll see how they microwave back up. Here I scooted them all off to the side, so that the pool of grease could cruise over to the other end of the pan. I should probably keep that grease, but I don’t know what I’d do with it. Treat it like any other cooking fat? Pack it in a container and stick it in the fridge? Fry things in it? Hmmm.

Scott and I agreed that these were good, but they need even MORE spice next time. Maybe I’ll try adding some oregano or basil as well.

We took a wee road trip today. Recently we finished off our ginormous bottle of Red Robin’s seasoned salt, so I proposed a lunch voyage to RR. Not only is it a source of seasoning, but it’s also a chance to have a tastes-like-home meal. Since Red Robin is from Seattle. I also feel homey in Costco. But strangely, I don’t head off to Nordstrom that frequently. Hmm.

There are now six Red Robin locations in Florida. But the closest one to Orlando is around 55 miles away, in Port Orange, which is on the east coast out by Daytona Beach. So off we went.

There’s a new restaurant going in just down the way from Red Robin. At least I’m guessing it’ll be a restaurant. Bottom line, I think “sauce box” is our new insult.

I had the regular old Red Robin classic cheeseburger, with cheddar. And wrapped in lettuce leaves instead of a bun. I don’t know what it is about Red Robin, but there’s a very distinctive flavor to their burgers. You know you’re eating an RR burger when you’re eating an RR burger.

The lettuce wasn’t so much wrapped around the burger, as it was on top and bottom like a bun. Each side was 4 or 5 leaves of iceberg, which was a bit much lettuce. I stripped a leaf or two off each side, which made it easier to bite through. The last quarter or so of the burger, it was so messy and falling apart that I had to go in with the knife and fork. I have to say, I think Fuddrucker’s may win for presentation by just putting the patty on a plate.

The steak fries were fantastic, as always.

After lunch, we headed over to Daytona Beach. We’d never seen it, and since we were right there, why not? We took the main exit off the freeway, which put us on International Speedway Drive. We got to pass by the ginormous racetrack, which was busy as heck because of the “Gatorade Duel”, whatever that is. Anyhoo, it was cool to hear the sounds of the cars as we passed by, and we got to see a few really bitchin’ mullets.

We drove down International Speedway Drive until it ended at the beach.

Daytona Beach is, apparently, the world’s most famous beach. Is it? According to whom? What about Waikiki? Or Malibu? The sign didn’t give a source for the claim.

It’s a really unique beach, in that it’s incredibly easy to walk on. You can see the high tide line, and from the water to that line, the sand is packed hard and flat. You can stroll all the way down to the surf and not get any sand in your sandals! Of course, we had to check out the water temperature. The verdict: flippin’ cold!

Lots of seagulls everywhere, primarily hanging out in packs down near the waterline.

Lots of dead jellyfish everywhere, with all of their (arms? tendrils? stinging-bits?) broken off.

And lots of love for Beap.

In order of importance, I’ll start with the cat. We took Commie to the vet yesterday, where both vets came in to visit us, because they were both completely flabbergasted that his eye is almost back to normal. Shocked, they were! His eye still has a little bit of a cloudy spot on it, which may be permanent damage from the month or so that it was completely hidden by swelling.

The vets have no idea what happened. Or why it fixed itself. I believe both of them used the phrase “miracle cat”. For the cloudy spot, we were given some steroid drops (which are so much easier than pills or oral liquids, so I’m very glad) and we’re going back in a week to see if it clears up. But he seems to be seeing out of both eyes. At least both eyes track us. Which is great.

The kids look a bit grumpy in this picture, but they’re just a bit tuckered. I found where I’d packed the laser pointer, so I made them do some laps around the living room.

Next up, gluten. Since January is now over, so is Gluten-Free January. I stayed the course the whole time, and discovered that I could eat other carbohydrate foods in moderation (potatoes, rice, corn) and still not gain weight. In fact, my maintenance zone had been 130-133 pounds for the last year, and for most of January, I stayed in the 129s.

But to complete the experiment, it meant having some gluten. So we headed out to Costco, because I love their cheap pizza. I mean, look at this monster slice!

Greasy, gooey, awesome. 700 or so calories of pizza magic. Although I didn’t eat the big puffy end crust. I wasn’t against it — I was just too full.

I didn’t get the stomach cramps or bloating that others have reported from adding gluten back after a long break. But I did find myself hungry all evening long, and nothing could stop the munchies. Haven’t felt that way in a long while. I didn’t gain any water weight, which is good, but I think I’m going to stick with mostly gluten-free from now on anyway. But I will continue experimenting with other carby foods, to see how far I can expand my choices.

On that note, I sallied forth to Whole Foods, where I knew they had some gluten-free beers. Just the other day on the Facebook, someone wrote that all of our local Whole Foods employees seem like they hate the world. And I have to say, they weren’t the friendliest bunch. I don’t know about hating the world, but nobody was full of good cheer, that’s for sure.

Spotted the following GF option:

Of course, the gluten-free rice noodles make it twice the price of other macaroni & cheese dinners. And since it’s fancybrand, that means it’s like six times the price of a box of Kraft dinner. Boy howdy, did I love Kraft dinner. Maybe I’ll buy a box sometime, just to get the powdery cheese packet. Although that’s probably loaded with gluten too. I wonder if I could put powdered Kraft cheese on some spaghetti squash?

I got one bottle of gluten-free beer (New Grist, which is both an awesome name and a terrible name) and a hard cider I haven’t tried yet. They had three or four gluten-free beer options, which is great. Surprisingly, our local Publix grocery store had a wider variety of ciders (although they didn’t have the brand that I got at WF). Much to sample!

Lastly, I got these chips from the vending machine at the courthouse, when I did my jury duty. What I want to know is, what’s the creamy part? The chips weren’t creamy, they were crispy. And I sure hope dill pickles aren’t creamy. Also, what do dill pickle potato chips have to do with DJing and turntables?

All that aside, the chips were delicious. I love a good dill pickle chip, creamy or not.

Previously, I had a bunless burger at Fuddrucker’s as part of our moving weekend feasting. And it was a delightful thing.

I’ve had bunless burgers at other places: Burger King puts everything into a little bowl, Red Robin wraps it in lettuce leaves, even the noisy and hideous T-Rex restaurant serves theirs on a plate with decent fixings.

So I decided to try going bunless at Five Guys Burgers & Fries. At least I can still have the fries, which are always fantastic. No gluten in those little fellas.

What a disappointment. Two foil-wrapped bundles, one with lettuce and pickles, the other with a cheese-covered patty. The patty was small and falling apart, and most of the cheese stuck to the foil. I had to scrape like mad. They also gave me little side cups with mayonnaise and onions. I ordered the burger with ketchup and mustard as well, but I didn’t get those. I guess because both can be found on the condiment rack next to the pop machine. (That’s right, Florida, I still won’t say soda. Suck it.)

I scraped my cheese, put it back on the burger, threw on mayo and ketchup, then cut off a piece. The cutting action immediately sliced through the tissue-thin foil and revealed the tabletop underneath. For the rest of the burger, I was very, very delicate with my knifework.

So overall, a great disappointment. I’d say they’re not used to doing burgers without buns, but “no bun” is a programmed option on their cash registers. I’ll just have to go elsewhere for a bunless burger, and only hit Five Guys if I’m either desperate for their fries (I loves them, I do) or if it’s February or beyond and I’m willing to risk the bloat and gas from eating the bun.

We’re halfway through the month, and I’ve kept it gluten-free. Even when eating out, there’s almost always a viable option or two (or more). And since we moved last week, there were a number of eating-out nights.

Logan’s Roadhouse was easy — a nice steak, with grilled veggies and a crouton-free salad. Plus all the free peanuts you can eat.

We discovered a brand-new location of the sandwich chain Jimmy John’s near the new place. I’d heard about them before, but there weren’t any in Washington, and the nearest Florida location was many miles away. We tried their “unwich” (all the sandwich fillings, wrapped in lettuce leaves and then wrapped in paper so you eat it like a burrito). Fantastic! My only problem is that they don’t have pickles as sandwich toppings. They have cucumber slices, which isn’t the same thing at all, and they have a full dill pickle as a side. Next time, I may ask them to slice a pickle and put it on the sandwich. That would be perfect.

We also discovered a salad place, Greens & Grille. It’s a local two-spot chain where they make a salad to your specifications, then throw on some grilled meat. It’s tasty, but it has its problems. Number one is that a salad can run you over ten bucks. Number two is that the place is really cold, with metal chairs. Shiver! Hopefully it’ll be more pleasant in the summertime, but when the outside temperature is mid-40s and the indoor feels maybe ten degrees higher, it’s not a pleasant dining experience.

But my friends, I haven’t been completely low-carb while I’ve been gluten-free. We did Fuddrucker’s one night, and I got my burger without the bun … but with those awesome wedge fries. We also went to Moe’s (one of many burrito places, and the closest thing Florida has to the magnificent Taco Del Mar) and I had a naked burrito bowl — all the fillings, but without the wheat tortilla. That means rice, beans, and even corn chips.

I will admit, I’m burned out on eating out for a little while. It doesn’t help that a couple of days ago, I had some upset stomach issues that I’m pretty sure were food-related. That’s no fun. But our new fridge (and much larger freezer) are now stocked with meats, meats, meats, cheeses, meats, and some fruit and veg.

So healthwise, how is gluten-free January treating me? Just fine! Besides the stomach upset, my energy levels have been normal, and I’ve been relatively free of any bloating or gas (even after eating beans and rice). My weight, which I maintain between 130-133, has been bouncing around from 130.4 to 130.8 the last few days. Even with me eating the occasional potatoes, rice, beans, and corn.

File this one under both gluten-free and low-carb.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted this soup before. You know how there are some recipes you make all the time, and love, and you don’t even have them written down because you know them so well? This is one of those. So I’m going to give approximations on things like spices, since I’m used to just dumping in what looks right.

This soup originated as an actual jambalaya recipe. But when we went low-carb, we couldn’t do the rice part anymore. So I tried it without the rice, and it’s still just as awesome. I’m sure there are some jambalaya-ish things I’m leaving out (chicken, for one, because I’m just not a big fan) but since it started as jambalaya, the name remains for me.

This is the first big thing I’m cooking in my new kitchen. So much room! I got my mise-en-place all ready, then had to take a panorama photo of everything. My shorty soup pot, herbs and spices, some canned goods, and some chopped fresh stuff. Onward!

2 tsp olive oil
1 6-pack beef brats (or the sausage of your choice)
1 medium onion, diced
6 stalks celery, diced
1 Tbsp chopped garlic

2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp basil
1/4 tsp parsley
1/4 tsp garlic powder
2 bay leaves

1 can tomato sauce
2 cans/1 tetra-pak beef broth

15-20 raw shrimp

Heat up the oil on medium, then toss in the brats. I chop the sausage into little half-moons; I think that’s a nice size for a soup spoon. Let the brats render out some of their oil.

Toss in the onion, celery, and garlic. Let it reduce down some. Then throw in all the dry spices. I made educated guesses on the amounts for all of these, except the bay leaves. Those are easy to measure. If you’re nervous, go with half of my stated amounts, then taste and add more. I just eyeball and taste, eyeball and taste. You could also toss in some cayenne pepper, or some smoked paprika, or even some Tabasco for a little extra kick. I like to do a little shake of the garlic Tabasco. Next, add the liquids: two cans of broth, one of tomato sauce.

I used the larger tomato sauce can, which is 15 ounces. You could also do two of those little 8-ounce cans. The cans of beef broth are 14.5 ounces each, or you could do the 32-ounce box. It’s all close enough.

Let it simmer. It could simmer for 10 minutes, or an hour. Up to you.

But whatever you do, make sure the simmering is watched over by a quartet of tiny luchadors.

A couple of minutes before you’re ready to serve, add the shrimp. I get the raw tail-on ones from Coscto, thaw them in running cold water, then chop off the tails and cut the shrimp into 3 or 4 pieces. Again, nicely sized for the soup spoon. They only take three or four minutes to cook in the bubbling broth, then you’re ready to serve.

We do big ol’ mugs for soup. This really hits the spot on a cold day! Depending on bowl/mug size, you can probably get 5-6 servings out of this batch. Which means at least a couple of delicious soupy lunches later in the week.

What a way to start 2011 — moving the house. Or, well, the apartment. At any rate, we moved all of our stuff from one off-white box to another off-white box.

Our reasons for moving were manyfold, but the primary one was the fact that we were paying too much at the old apartment. The market is soft here in Orlando, and everyone everywhere was lowering their prices. Our complex, however, offered to generously keep our too-(damn)high rent the same for another year, so we generously decided to move elsewhere.

Here’s the new living room, pre-move. We hit IKEA first and got a new couch, since our old one was old and hurtin’. Guess that’s what you get for buying a $180 loveseat. Although we loved that loveseat, so we just replaced it with a fresh $180 loveseat. For the record, it’s the Klippan with a discontinued zebra-print cover. I’m glad we bought an extra cover when they were closing them out, because it’s all solids and one weird cross-stitchy pattern right now.

We moved a ton of stuff on Thursday, with help from our fantastic friend John. Between him and Scott, it was like having two powerful gorillas hauling most of our stuff. Of course, I mean “gorilla” in the nicest possible way. We’ve been really gung-ho about throwing out or Goodwill-donating as much as we possibly can, because we’re total packrats who live in a thrift store in a Russian submarine. We left even more stuff at the old place, which will be sorted through during next weekend’s cleaningfest.

The last step was bringing the cats. They mewed pitifully all the way, then found a dark place to hide immediately. I anticipated their yearning for a dark place, so I cracked open the door of the linen closet for them. The first night, they were pretty disruptive, what with the meowing and scratching at boxes and constantly hopping up and down on the bed, but last night they settled in pretty well.

Most of the living room is now set up, as well as our desks. IKEA again, here’s my Expedit desk. I’ll fill the cubbyholes with books and such as we unpack them, but I’m guessing someone will insist that I leave one cubby open for her. And yes, that’s a screenshot of Bioshock as my desktop background. Bloody splicers.

I’m still going strong with gluten free January, and even though we ate out for several meals, there was always a great option. Here’s what I had at the always-tasty Fuddrucker’s. The lettuce is hiding the truly embarassing number of pickles I piled on the plate. They have some really good pickles.

Our moving-mate John introduced us to a new place, Greens & Grille, and I’m seriously sorry that you probably don’t have one in your neighborhood. It’s like a salad place meets a Mongolian grill — you pick what salad veggies you want, from carrots to artichoke hearts and anything in between. Then they toss it, grill up some fresh meat of your choosing, and it’s totes delicious.

We’re headed back to work today, after a 3-day break, so it’ll be interesting figuring out our new routes to and from Disney. Already it looks like I have three exits to choose from when coming home, so there will be some experimenting.