I have my meatballs totally dialed in. They’re not only delicious, but they’re also super tender. And gluten-free to boot!

Start with the non-meat ingredients:

1/2 cup potato flakes
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/3 cup water (or beef stock)
3 Tbsp dry parsley
3 Tbsp chopped garlic
1 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp thyme
1/4 tsp basil
2 eggs

Mix all that together so you get a spicy, gummy paste.

Then add 1 pound of ground beef and 1 pound of ground mild Italian sausage. You could go with the spicier sausage if you want, but I’m not that adventurous.

Smoosh it all together with your hands. I wear my always-useful powder-free disposable vinyl gloves for such things. Buying a big box of them was the best cooking/cleaning/hair-coloring move I ever made.

Roll into meatballs. Depending on size, you’ll get 30-45 of them. I like them about this big:

Where one can nest perfectly inside a tablespoon. That gets me around 40 meatballs. Again, I’m baking them on a wire rack above a foil-lined cookie sheet. I guess you don’t need the foil, if you don’t mind cleaning meat drips from your cookie sheet. Me, I’m a fan of easier cleanup. Since I still have to scrub the wire rack.

Bake at 400° for 15 minutes. Middle-ish rack in the oven.

After they came out of the oven, I tossed a few into some defrosted and reheated meat sauce and let them bubble while I cooked up a single serving of noodles.

I found the Ancient Harvest quinoa pasta on sale at the Whole Foods, at 2 boxes for $4. I used the ol’ food scale to measure out 2 ounces of dry pasta, which as always, doesn’t look like that much.

I then counted — turns out 2 ounces is just about 50 “garden pagodas”. Just like the De Boles “spaghetti style” pasta, I wonder if there’s some non-wheat reason why they can’t call this stuff radiatori. And it shows you how much wheaty pasta I used to eat, that I know the name of this shape.

Anyhoo, while the pasta is gluten-free (made from quinoa flour, corn flour, dried bell pepper and dried spinach [for the colors]), it’s certainly not a low-carb food. That 2-ounce serving packs 205 calories, 46 grams of carbohydrate, and only 4 grams of fiber. Still, eating it didn’t bloat me up afterward, and no next-day weight gain from water retention, so all is well. It boils for 6-9 minutes (I went the whole 9, after my De Boles experiments) with the strict warning DO NOT OVERCOOK. I wonder how gummy and/or gross these things get if you let them boil for too long. There’s also a warning that the water will turn yellow from the corn starches, which indeed it did.

At 9 minutes, the texture was just right. A very authentic pasta feel, with the slightest al dente bite. The plain white noodles really didn’t have a flavor of their own, which is a nice contrast from the distinctive rice flavor of the De Boles. The colorful noodles also tasted like standard red-pepper or spinach wheat noodles. Since it’s been a number of years, I’d clearly forgotten that I’m not the biggest fan of those pasta flavors. Next time I’d get this stuff, but in an all-plain variety. Looks like Ancient Harvest also makes spaghetti, linguine, elbows, shells, and rotelle (which they can say, but they can’t say radiatori?!) among others.

Delicious! I’m giving the plain noodles a 9 out of 10.

This plate is so full, by the way, because we got rid of most of our large (10″) plates and now almost exclusively use the Corelle luncheon plate (8-1/2″) for everything. You can get them at Wal*Mart for a couple of bucks apiece, if you don’t have a nearby Corning/Revere factory store. Which we don’t. Seriously, Orlando is the home of outlet malls, and there’s no Corningware to be had. Absurd! Anyhoo, we mixed-and-matched geometric patterns.

I packed away the rest of the meatballs, putting some in the fridge and some in the freezer. They microwave beautifully from both places.

Second attempt, with some recipe adjustments. I made the balls a little smaller, and put them up on a wire rack over a foil-lined cookie sheet so they wouldn’t be swimming in their own released fat. I also used less fatty beef, but that’s primarily because it’s what was on sale this week. And I added another egg.

2 lbs. ground beef (93/7)
1/2 cup potato flakes
1/3 cup water
2 eggs
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
3 Tbsp chopped garlic
3 Tbsp parsley
1 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1/4 tsp oregano
1/8 tsp thyme

This time, I did things in a different order as well. First, I threw the potato flakes in my big bowl, and put the water on top to hydrate the potatoes. Mixed that up, then added everything else but the beef. I stirred it all together so it was one big sludgy mix of seasoning. Then I tossed the ground beef on top, and worked everything together with my hands. I think making the sludge (I really should write restaurant menu copy, right?) helped in letting me see when everything was fully combined.

Rolled out 40 of the little guys, roughly an inch and a half across.

Baked the same as last time: 400° F for 15 minutes.

This was a much improved batch. Still tender and juicy, but I didn’t have to dig them out of the pools of fat. The wire rack was easy as pie to clean off. But even though I increased all of the seasonings, we both still thought they could use MORE flavor. Even though I tossed in almost everything but the kitchen sink this time.

Maybe more salt. Certainly more garlic, in both varieties. Probably more chili powder and pepper. But these are totally edible. I portioned them out in sets of eight, and threw some in the fridge and some in the freezer. We’ll see how they re-heat.

Whew, that name is a mouthful. Can you not call it spaghetti if it’s not made of wheat?

At any rate, I got this gluten-free spaghetti-style pasta hoping to find something that would hit the spot when I was really jonesing for a noodle. There were actually a few choices for GF noodles; some were made from rice, some corn, some quinoa. I chose the De Boles because it was the cheapest by far.

Seriously, it was Whole Foods prices at the Publix for most of the other brands. Where a normal package of wheat noodles might be a buck, the De Boles was two, and almost everything was between four and six.

The serving size is two ounces, which may be the same as regular wheaty pasta. I don’t know, since I haven’t looked at a box of wheat pasta for probably five years. And I didn’t look the last time I was at the grocery, because I just don’t think ahead like that.

ANYHOO.

I thawed out some of my frozen spaghetti sauce, and also threw down some of the gluten-free meatballs I made last week.

The noodles boiled for 7 minutes (the box advised 5-7) and were still a bit al dente. Next time, I’ll let them go 8 and see how that works. Not that I don’t mind a little bit of toothiness to my pasta, but I think I can improve.

The meatballs and sauce were fantastic, as usual. The noodles had a vague white rice flavor to them, which just felt weird in combination with the sauce. But the texture was decent, and it really did tackle the noodle yearning I was having in a way that spaghetti squash can’t quite.

I give the De Boles rice spaghetti-style pasta a 7 out of 10, with possible wiggle room up to an 8 if I can nail down the right cooking time.

For the record, because someone asked recently — yeah, this isn’t low-carb. Well, it kind of is, if you consider the huge piles of carb foods that conventional wisdom would have us eat. But the 2-ounce serving was only 42 grams of carbohydrate, which isn’t too bad. To lay it out, I eat 100% gluten-free, and probably 85% low-carb. I’m at my goal weight, so since I’m in maintenance mode, these days I’m trying out other non-wheat carbs to see what I can handle. I’ve been at goal for about a year and a half, and I’m still figuring out my limits for how I’ll eat for the rest of my life.

BBQ sauce is a tougie as far as low-carb goes. There used to be a sugar-free sauce put out by … I’m tempted to say K.C. Masterpiece, but I may be wrong. One of the big names, anyway. It was discontinued probably 2 years ago.

It looks like there are a couple of sugar-free BBQ sauces on the market, but I’ve never seen them in any store. Scott’s, Smokin’ Joe, and Nature’s Hollow all come up on a Google search for sugar-free sauce, but I’d have to send away for them via mail-order. Since I’m both lazy and cheap, I threw together a sauce from what I had on hand.

For the base, I used the Heinz reduced-sugar ketchup. Many recipes would have you start with tomato sauce or tomato paste, but I figured the ketchup already has a little flavoring zip and zazz in it. Plus, it’s easily found — both the SuperTarget and Publix grocery stores in my area carry it. Look for the blue label — that seems to be the agreed-upon color for lower sugar content. Be warned, this ketchup is sweetened with sucralose (aka Splenda) instead of sugar, so if you’re avoiding artificial sweeteners, you would want to go with regular tomato sauce/paste.

Side note: it used to be, in days gone by, the condiment aisle had both ketchup and catsup. These days, at least in central Florida, it’s 100% ketchup. Did everyone decide on a common spelling at some point? Or is the southeast all about ketchup the same way they call pop “soda” all the time? Maybe there’s still catsup in the northwest. Anyone?

Anyhoo, here’s what I mixed:

5 oz. Heinz reduced-sugar ketchup*
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1 tsp liquid smoke
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp worcestershire sauce
2 pk (4 tsp) Splenda

* I did the ketchup by weight, so I could just squirt it straight into the saucepan, and not dirty up a measuring cup. But if you don’t have a food scale, I’d say it was roughly a cup or so of ketchup, maybe a little less. Since the bottle of ketchup is 14 ounces, it’s a little over a third of a bottle.

Mix it up, and heat it in a saucepan. (You can see some of the scratches on this saucepan — I’ve had the set since college.) For the batch, you’re looking at somewhere around 12 grams of carbohydrate. We threw some gluten-free little smokies in there, and ended up with three servings, so 4 grams of carb for the sauce on each serving.

I’d made this before, but I didn’t write the recipe down, or measure anything. Foolish! This time I used actual measuring implements, so I could report to you fine people. In future batches, I think I’ll add even more liquid smoke, because it wasn’t quite smoky enough. It was good, but it could be better. I think I’ll also squirt in some brown mustard for additional tanginess. So I’ll probably go with 2 tsp liquid smoke, and 1 or 2 tsp brown mustard.

At any rate, the smokies were grand. I believe these were the Target house brand.

Before we get to the recipe, a couple of things. First off, Gary Taubes, author of Good Calories, Bad Calories and Why We Get Fat, will be appearing on the Dr. Oz show today. It’s my understanding that Dr. Oz is a big proponent of vegetarian eating and “healthy whole grains”, so it should be a fascinating program.

Also, on one of the low-carb blogs I read, today someone posted a recipe without any pictures. I gasped and clutched my pearls. Unbelievable!

Onward! The other day, The Gluten-Free Homemaker posted a recipe for meatballs. I’ve tried meatballs before, but without the breadcrumbs, they get really dry really fast. This recipe tickled me because she used potato flakes as the filling/binding agent. I read that and thought to myself, “Self, didn’t you used to put actual grated potato in your meatballs, years ago?”

Why yes. Yes I did.

So I made a few changes to GFH’s recipe, adding in more of the Italian flavorings I crave.

Gluten-Free, Low-Carb Beefmeat Balls

1-1/2 lbs. ground beef (I used 80/20 chuck)
1/3 cup potato flakes*
1/4 cup water (or milk, or stock, or broth — something to moisten those dried taters)
1 Tbsp parsley
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1 Tbsp chopped garlic (that’s right, double garlic)
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 egg

* I figured the potato flakes would be way carbier than they actually are. For the 1/3 cup, it’s 17 grams of carb, with 1 gram of fiber. That means for this batch of 20 large-ish meatballs, it’s less then one gram of potato-based carbohydrate per meatball. Compare a dish of 6 big-ass homemade meatballs to one of those craptacular low-carb wheat tortillas for the same carb load, and this meal totally comes out on top in any battle.

I threw on some of my trusty rubber gloves and mashed it all together. You certainly could use a mixer with a paddle attachment, but for me half the fun is getting in there with my hands.

Roll them into balls and put them on a baking sheet or pan. I used my cake sheet pan, lined with non-stick foil, because I didn’t know how big a pool of fat would form at the bottom. I’m glad I did — with the 80/20 beef, it was a sizeable amount of beefy grease. It might have overwhelmed a cookie sheet.

Bake in the oven at 400° for 15 minutes.

Now in my house growing up, we’d pan-fry meatballs. Which can be kind of messy and splattery. I’d never done them in the oven, and now I can’t imagine doing them anywhere else. They browned up beautifully, got a little of that crust on the outside, and were done through.

I made enough so that I could freeeze half of them. We’ll see how they microwave back up. Here I scooted them all off to the side, so that the pool of grease could cruise over to the other end of the pan. I should probably keep that grease, but I don’t know what I’d do with it. Treat it like any other cooking fat? Pack it in a container and stick it in the fridge? Fry things in it? Hmmm.

Scott and I agreed that these were good, but they need even MORE spice next time. Maybe I’ll try adding some oregano or basil as well.

In order of importance, I’ll start with the cat. We took Commie to the vet yesterday, where both vets came in to visit us, because they were both completely flabbergasted that his eye is almost back to normal. Shocked, they were! His eye still has a little bit of a cloudy spot on it, which may be permanent damage from the month or so that it was completely hidden by swelling.

The vets have no idea what happened. Or why it fixed itself. I believe both of them used the phrase “miracle cat”. For the cloudy spot, we were given some steroid drops (which are so much easier than pills or oral liquids, so I’m very glad) and we’re going back in a week to see if it clears up. But he seems to be seeing out of both eyes. At least both eyes track us. Which is great.

The kids look a bit grumpy in this picture, but they’re just a bit tuckered. I found where I’d packed the laser pointer, so I made them do some laps around the living room.

Next up, gluten. Since January is now over, so is Gluten-Free January. I stayed the course the whole time, and discovered that I could eat other carbohydrate foods in moderation (potatoes, rice, corn) and still not gain weight. In fact, my maintenance zone had been 130-133 pounds for the last year, and for most of January, I stayed in the 129s.

But to complete the experiment, it meant having some gluten. So we headed out to Costco, because I love their cheap pizza. I mean, look at this monster slice!

Greasy, gooey, awesome. 700 or so calories of pizza magic. Although I didn’t eat the big puffy end crust. I wasn’t against it — I was just too full.

I didn’t get the stomach cramps or bloating that others have reported from adding gluten back after a long break. But I did find myself hungry all evening long, and nothing could stop the munchies. Haven’t felt that way in a long while. I didn’t gain any water weight, which is good, but I think I’m going to stick with mostly gluten-free from now on anyway. But I will continue experimenting with other carby foods, to see how far I can expand my choices.

On that note, I sallied forth to Whole Foods, where I knew they had some gluten-free beers. Just the other day on the Facebook, someone wrote that all of our local Whole Foods employees seem like they hate the world. And I have to say, they weren’t the friendliest bunch. I don’t know about hating the world, but nobody was full of good cheer, that’s for sure.

Spotted the following GF option:

Of course, the gluten-free rice noodles make it twice the price of other macaroni & cheese dinners. And since it’s fancybrand, that means it’s like six times the price of a box of Kraft dinner. Boy howdy, did I love Kraft dinner. Maybe I’ll buy a box sometime, just to get the powdery cheese packet. Although that’s probably loaded with gluten too. I wonder if I could put powdered Kraft cheese on some spaghetti squash?

I got one bottle of gluten-free beer (New Grist, which is both an awesome name and a terrible name) and a hard cider I haven’t tried yet. They had three or four gluten-free beer options, which is great. Surprisingly, our local Publix grocery store had a wider variety of ciders (although they didn’t have the brand that I got at WF). Much to sample!

Lastly, I got these chips from the vending machine at the courthouse, when I did my jury duty. What I want to know is, what’s the creamy part? The chips weren’t creamy, they were crispy. And I sure hope dill pickles aren’t creamy. Also, what do dill pickle potato chips have to do with DJing and turntables?

All that aside, the chips were delicious. I love a good dill pickle chip, creamy or not.

Previously, I had a bunless burger at Fuddrucker’s as part of our moving weekend feasting. And it was a delightful thing.

I’ve had bunless burgers at other places: Burger King puts everything into a little bowl, Red Robin wraps it in lettuce leaves, even the noisy and hideous T-Rex restaurant serves theirs on a plate with decent fixings.

So I decided to try going bunless at Five Guys Burgers & Fries. At least I can still have the fries, which are always fantastic. No gluten in those little fellas.

What a disappointment. Two foil-wrapped bundles, one with lettuce and pickles, the other with a cheese-covered patty. The patty was small and falling apart, and most of the cheese stuck to the foil. I had to scrape like mad. They also gave me little side cups with mayonnaise and onions. I ordered the burger with ketchup and mustard as well, but I didn’t get those. I guess because both can be found on the condiment rack next to the pop machine. (That’s right, Florida, I still won’t say soda. Suck it.)

I scraped my cheese, put it back on the burger, threw on mayo and ketchup, then cut off a piece. The cutting action immediately sliced through the tissue-thin foil and revealed the tabletop underneath. For the rest of the burger, I was very, very delicate with my knifework.

So overall, a great disappointment. I’d say they’re not used to doing burgers without buns, but “no bun” is a programmed option on their cash registers. I’ll just have to go elsewhere for a bunless burger, and only hit Five Guys if I’m either desperate for their fries (I loves them, I do) or if it’s February or beyond and I’m willing to risk the bloat and gas from eating the bun.

We’re halfway through the month, and I’ve kept it gluten-free. Even when eating out, there’s almost always a viable option or two (or more). And since we moved last week, there were a number of eating-out nights.

Logan’s Roadhouse was easy — a nice steak, with grilled veggies and a crouton-free salad. Plus all the free peanuts you can eat.

We discovered a brand-new location of the sandwich chain Jimmy John’s near the new place. I’d heard about them before, but there weren’t any in Washington, and the nearest Florida location was many miles away. We tried their “unwich” (all the sandwich fillings, wrapped in lettuce leaves and then wrapped in paper so you eat it like a burrito). Fantastic! My only problem is that they don’t have pickles as sandwich toppings. They have cucumber slices, which isn’t the same thing at all, and they have a full dill pickle as a side. Next time, I may ask them to slice a pickle and put it on the sandwich. That would be perfect.

We also discovered a salad place, Greens & Grille. It’s a local two-spot chain where they make a salad to your specifications, then throw on some grilled meat. It’s tasty, but it has its problems. Number one is that a salad can run you over ten bucks. Number two is that the place is really cold, with metal chairs. Shiver! Hopefully it’ll be more pleasant in the summertime, but when the outside temperature is mid-40s and the indoor feels maybe ten degrees higher, it’s not a pleasant dining experience.

But my friends, I haven’t been completely low-carb while I’ve been gluten-free. We did Fuddrucker’s one night, and I got my burger without the bun … but with those awesome wedge fries. We also went to Moe’s (one of many burrito places, and the closest thing Florida has to the magnificent Taco Del Mar) and I had a naked burrito bowl — all the fillings, but without the wheat tortilla. That means rice, beans, and even corn chips.

I will admit, I’m burned out on eating out for a little while. It doesn’t help that a couple of days ago, I had some upset stomach issues that I’m pretty sure were food-related. That’s no fun. But our new fridge (and much larger freezer) are now stocked with meats, meats, meats, cheeses, meats, and some fruit and veg.

So healthwise, how is gluten-free January treating me? Just fine! Besides the stomach upset, my energy levels have been normal, and I’ve been relatively free of any bloating or gas (even after eating beans and rice). My weight, which I maintain between 130-133, has been bouncing around from 130.4 to 130.8 the last few days. Even with me eating the occasional potatoes, rice, beans, and corn.

File this one under both gluten-free and low-carb.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted this soup before. You know how there are some recipes you make all the time, and love, and you don’t even have them written down because you know them so well? This is one of those. So I’m going to give approximations on things like spices, since I’m used to just dumping in what looks right.

This soup originated as an actual jambalaya recipe. But when we went low-carb, we couldn’t do the rice part anymore. So I tried it without the rice, and it’s still just as awesome. I’m sure there are some jambalaya-ish things I’m leaving out (chicken, for one, because I’m just not a big fan) but since it started as jambalaya, the name remains for me.

This is the first big thing I’m cooking in my new kitchen. So much room! I got my mise-en-place all ready, then had to take a panorama photo of everything. My shorty soup pot, herbs and spices, some canned goods, and some chopped fresh stuff. Onward!

2 tsp olive oil
1 6-pack beef brats (or the sausage of your choice)
1 medium onion, diced
6 stalks celery, diced
1 Tbsp chopped garlic

2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp basil
1/4 tsp parsley
1/4 tsp garlic powder
2 bay leaves

1 can tomato sauce
2 cans/1 tetra-pak beef broth

15-20 raw shrimp

Heat up the oil on medium, then toss in the brats. I chop the sausage into little half-moons; I think that’s a nice size for a soup spoon. Let the brats render out some of their oil.

Toss in the onion, celery, and garlic. Let it reduce down some. Then throw in all the dry spices. I made educated guesses on the amounts for all of these, except the bay leaves. Those are easy to measure. If you’re nervous, go with half of my stated amounts, then taste and add more. I just eyeball and taste, eyeball and taste. You could also toss in some cayenne pepper, or some smoked paprika, or even some Tabasco for a little extra kick. I like to do a little shake of the garlic Tabasco. Next, add the liquids: two cans of broth, one of tomato sauce.

I used the larger tomato sauce can, which is 15 ounces. You could also do two of those little 8-ounce cans. The cans of beef broth are 14.5 ounces each, or you could do the 32-ounce box. It’s all close enough.

Let it simmer. It could simmer for 10 minutes, or an hour. Up to you.

But whatever you do, make sure the simmering is watched over by a quartet of tiny luchadors.

A couple of minutes before you’re ready to serve, add the shrimp. I get the raw tail-on ones from Coscto, thaw them in running cold water, then chop off the tails and cut the shrimp into 3 or 4 pieces. Again, nicely sized for the soup spoon. They only take three or four minutes to cook in the bubbling broth, then you’re ready to serve.

We do big ol’ mugs for soup. This really hits the spot on a cold day! Depending on bowl/mug size, you can probably get 5-6 servings out of this batch. Which means at least a couple of delicious soupy lunches later in the week.

I’m taking part in Gluten-Free January, a little grassroots project that is actually something I’d been thinking about trying to put together myself. I wanted to challenge friends to try just one month gluten-free to see how much better they could feel. This makes it easy, since someone else has already set up the framework.

I eat mostly gluten-free already, because it turns out that gluten can be one of the main triggers for a Crohn’s disease flare. I do occasionally splurge, but when you’re not used to eating the stuff, a splurge tastes good at the eatin’, but doesn’t feel too good during the digestin’. So come tomorrow, I’ll be avoiding the stuff completely for a full month. In fact, I had some breaded chicken strips a couple of days ago, and … blargh.

This also means no beer. Although the Whole Foods has a couple of gluten-free beers, they’re pricey. Maybe I should just make 2011 a beer-free year as well.

Anyhoo, anyone else out there doing GFJ? A couple of my Seattle friends on the Facebook say they’re going to take part. If you’re a low-carber, this does mean that certain convenience items like low-carb tortillas and breads are off limits. But on the plus side, there are a ton of gluten-free products out there, some of which are not bad. And all pre-packaged products have to list wheat as an allergen if it’s included.

I have a number of gluten-free items in my low carb category of posts. And I just got some Bob’s Red Mill gluten-free baking flour; it’s only slightly less carby then regular wheat flour, but I don’t plan on using much at a time. It’s mainly to adjust the texture of stuff made with my old favorite, coconut flour.