We finally went to see Inception yesterday. Fortunately, I’d remained largely spoiler-free for the whole thing. I mean, I knew there was something to do with being in other people’s dreams, but the previews told me that much.

I didn’t even know Michael Caine was in it. I can’t stand that guy. He doesn’t really ever act, he’s just shades of Michael Caine. Just like Jack Nicholson. I also put him in the “oily” category (with such big-name celebs as Matthew McConaughey, Shia LeBouef, Robert DiNero, and a host of others), because he grosses me out.

Anyhoo, what a thinker! A romance film, wrapped in an action/adventure film, wrapped in a sci-fi film, wrapped in a heist film, all smothered in the secret sauce of messing with your mind. With a perfectly timed closing shot, leaving you wondering whether the real world is real or not.

This was also the first complete movie I’d seen Ellen Page in. I tried to watch Whip It and only made it about 15 minutes in before shutting it off. Even more boring and plodding than the source book.

I had a couple of name issues, which may be nitpicky, but they preyed on my mind for most of the viewing. First off, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character: is he named Tom or Dom? Because it sounded about 50/50 each way. A couple of the layman summary-writers on IMDB say it’s Dom, but the listings only put his character as “Cobb”.

Next, Cobb’s wife. First I heard her name as “Maul”, which is totally not a name. Then I figured that it must be “Moll”, as a nickname for Molly or something. Although an elegant French woman doesn’t really seem like a Molly. The IMDB tells me her character is “Mal”, which in my mind is pronounced like “pal”, a.k.a. the captain’s name on Firefly.

The movie was also a festival of “where do I know that guy from”. Firstly, Joseph Gordon-Levitt was easy. I was pretty sure that a guy near the beginning was Lukas Haas (of Solarbabies fame), and I was right. So Solarbabies and Inception are one degree apart, and that delights me. The funny thing is, he’s been working steadily since the early ’80s, but I haven’t seen a single piece of his work since a craptacular sci-fi rollerskating movie made in 1986.

I had to look up Tom Hardy, who played Eames — he was Jean-Luc Picard’s pouty young clone in the terrible Star Trek: Nemesis. Not to mention Pete Postlethwaite and poor Tom Berenger — he always looks old and bloated to me, probably because my mind always expects him to look just like he did in 1985.

And speaking of bloated, I’m worried about Leonardo DiCaprio. His head is getting wider as he ages, and he’s sneaking up on potato-head territory. I’d hate for him to join the ranks of other potato-headed guys like Russell Crowe and Gerard Butler. Bleah.

My last thought of this bunch of barely-surface-scratching rambling: I bet The Matrix would give its left nut for everything that happened in the hotel hallway (and in that vein, Joseph Gordon-Levitt would make a much better Neo than Keanu Reeves [potato head] ever did). Effects have come so far in the last 10 years.

I dig roller skating. And yes, there are movies all about roller skating, like Roll Bounce and Roller Boogie. But I really prefer movies that are about other things (political wranglings, dystopian futures) that just happen to have a boatload of roller skating involved. So here are three recently-viewed movies full of craptacular magic on 8 wheels.

#3: Rollerball (1975) – I haven’t seen the 2002 remake. I don’t think I want to see it, so the total cheese of the 1975 version remains at the forefront of my memory. James Caan as a sports hero? A moustachioed lotharo named Moonpie? And a roller skating game that ends in death? It’s all pretty awesome. My main problem is that there’s a lot of slow, slow portions. It’s almost as if Stanley Kubrick directed it. They could have cut a half-hour of boredom out of this movie, and it would have been so much better.

#2: Xanadu (1980) – We just got this via the Netflix. I hadn’t seen it for probably 20 years, at least. I remember loving it as a kid. There’s a lot of charming quaintness in this movie — the leading man’s job is to paint giant reproductions of record album covers for record stores. The movie takes place in a perfect movie version of Los Angeles, where all roads are smooth and skatable, and even the streets near the abandoned auditorium don’t have an ounce of grit or gravel to impede the skating. What I didn’t remember from my youth is that for every five lines of corny dialog, we then get a 10-minute music/dance/skate sequence. The music remains awesome, thanks to the 70s/80s majesty of ELO. But the leading man was an irritating wimp who needed a haircut, and I found it very strange that an artist’s unspoken dream would be to open up a roller disco.

#1: Solarbabies (1986) – This movie is, for me, an 80s classic. It contains a bevy of 80s teen stars, like Jason Patric, Jami Gertz, Peter DeLuise, and Lukas Haas. Not to mention a side character played by Adrian Pasdar, better known as Nathan Pedretti on Heroes. It even has the ever-creepy Richard Jordan as the scenery-chewing bad guy, Grock. The Solarbabies are a group of “orphans” living in an “orphanage” (I use quotes because apparently, the’re not actually orphans; they’ve been taken from their families to be raised in a government facility) in a futuristic desert (water is strictly regulated by said goverment) where all desert roads are smooth and skatable, and even the path through the desolate wasteland doesn’t have an ounce of grit or gravel to impede the skating.

The Solarbabies gang find a magical orb, and go on a fabulous journey. It ranges from a Bartertown-esque city to an underground cave city to the secret government water stronghold. And what amazing characters! Besides the handsome boy and the pretty girl, we have the tech guy with glasses, the chubby guy, the black guy, and their much-younger mascot friend. A marvelous motley crew! And let’s not forget the stirring synth soundtrack from 80s favorite Maurice Jarre.

To this day, I can’t not watch this movie. If I see it’s going to be on one of the weird crap-movie channels (we have one called “THIS” here in Orlando that always plays terrible films) I have to record it. I’ve probably seen this movie over a dozen times, just in grabbing it from random TV showings.

What other roller skating movies are out there? I tried to watch Whip It, and found it just as boring as the source book. Should I check out the 2002 Rollerball? Does it suck or rock? I’m all for corn and cheese, so bring on the badness!

Today we finally were able to go out together and see Wall•E. As expected, I laughed, I cried, I enjoyed the crap out of it.

I also checked out the first act of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. I didn’t know what to expect from it, and so was pleasantly surprised. Scott and I discussed the fact that in the last couple of years, the bad-guy-as-good-guy has really taken off. Especially recently, with misunderstood evil genius types like in Skullcrusher Mountain or Soon I Will Be Invincible. It reminds me of the horrible 80s film Love at First Bite, where the “bad guy” gets the girl in the end. I always dug that ending.

Tonight is the premiere of Project Runway 5. I hope it’s a fierce, hot tranny mess.

I’ve watched quite a few movies on TV over the last few days.

Two Weeks Notice: Besides having a grammatically inaccurate title, this was an all right romantic comedy. Not fantastic, but not terrible. I don’t quite get why Sandra Bullock is so frequently cast as the awkward and slightly unattractive girl, but here it happened again. If you want a Hugh Grant romantic comedy, you’d do better with Music and Lyrics. B-

Only You: It was on one of the HD channels, so I recorded it. I remembered liking this movie back in the 80s, and it was still charming. I’m glad Robert Downey, Jr. is having a comeback — he’s even more attractive now than he was 20 years ago. B+

Enchanted: I finally forced Scott to watch it. Since buying the DVD, this was my third viewing. It’s just such a fun movie, and it both makes fun of and celebrates the classic Disney movies. A

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters: This was Scott’s trade-off for Enchanted. It was awesome! Who knew a documentary about Donkey Kong would make me angry and sad and delighted all in one package? If you get the channel, G4 is running it several times over the next couple of weeks. A

The Cutting Edge 2: Go for the Gold: ABC Family is running this one right now. It’s a marathon — the original was on just before, and number three (I didn’t know they’d made a number three!) is on next. Number two is awful compared to the first, which was a decent romantic comedy. They’d also like me to believe that Chicago has its own Space Needle and its own Kingdome. I can’t believe they didn’t have stock footage of the Chicago skyline. C-

Movies: I just watched Stranger than Fiction the other day, and it was surprisingly sweet and lovely. I’d only ever seen Will Ferrell in stuff like Zoolander, so it was nice to see that he can really ACT act. The rest of the cast was excellent as well.

Books: I started reading Soon I Will Be Invincible yesterday. I got it for Scott, so it was only right that I let him read it first. Good so far — I like bad-guy protagonists. In upcoming book news, just over a fortnight until Harry Potter 7. It comes out on a Saturday, so I can sit down and read it that whole day.

Music: Since my old ukulele was cheap and one of the tuning pegs broke, talk has once again turned to getting me a new one. I have to decide whether I want a soprano or a baritone. Right now I’m leaning soprano, but that may change. I’ll have to hit the local Guitar Center and see what they have that I can put my hands on.

Games: Did you know that Mercenaries is now on the backward-compatible list for the Xbox 360? Yes indeedy it is! Sadly, it does have some freezing problems. But so far it’s still fairly playable, as long as you don’t spend too much time in Pyongyang. And come this holiday season, we may have to pay full price for Mercenaries 2 when it comes out, instead of waiting for it to drop in price.

1. Today’s our 10th wedding anniversary. Bring on the tin and aluminum!

2. Reality TV has been really good to me so far this summer season. My chosen favorites have won both Hell’s Kitchen and So You Think You Can Dance, and my first-episode favorite is still doing well on Rock Star: Supernova. I don’t have a favorite for Project Runway yet, but the guy I really disliked already got the boot. Haven’t watched this week’s yet.

3. I was going through my MP3s this morning, to make changes to my playlists. I came across some of the songs from the 70s cartoon movie Animalympics, and was just delighted. Man, I loved that movie. The music was done by Graham Gouldman, lead singer of the 70s wussrock band 10cc.

4. I was going to put in a movie and watch it, but “Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts 1-7)” just came on, so now I’m stuck listening to the awesomeness for 17-1/2 minutes. Like that’s such a chore.

5. Snakes on a Plane opens tomorrow, after a thousand-year wait.

6. The On-Line Guitar Archive is offline due to legal issues. I really wish I’d printed out all of my favorite bits of tablature, instead of just bookmarking them. Son of bitch!

TV: I tried to get into the new show Windfall, but it’s an ensemble piece, and I don’t give a crap about most of the characters. Oh well, at least I have Hell’s Kitchen and So You Think You Can Dance and the not-too-awful Treasure Hunters to get me through the summer. And the new season of The Venture BrothersProject Runway starts THIS Wednesday. So get in from the beginning, it’s a great show — Emmy nominated! Did you guys know that there are now TWO reality TV categories at the Emmys? Both “Reality” and “Reality Competition”. Crazy.

Books: Right now I’m nearing the end of Philip Pullman’s The Golden Compass, which started out kind of slow but is now really good. I just requested a library hold for the second book in the trilogy, The Subtle Knife. I’d heard of the trilogy before, but never got around to reading any of the books.

Music: I’m in another Duran Duran upswing. I have my playlist stuffed with a dozen albums, extended singles, live versions, unreleased demos and various other Durantastic stuff.

Movies: I’m going to wait to see PotC, at least another week or two. I just don’t like the movie theater experience, more so since people get more rude all the time. The next big movie I’ll slog out to the theater to see will probably be Snakes on a Plane.

Games: We just passed the 50% complete mark on Sly 2: Band of Thieves, which makes me sad. The Sly Cooper games are so damn good, I wish there were more. Oh well, we can always replay through them in a few months, just like I did with Psychonauts. It wasn’t shiny and new anymore, but it was still very enjoyable. I love gaming as a team; one of us will play through a mission, but the other one helps by spotting.

If you see one movie trailer this year, see the trailer for The Shining.

I’m trying out some new shows from the summer reality season.

Hit Me Baby One More Time (NBC): Partly cool, partly scary. I was freaked out by A Flock of Seagulls — you could tell by his face that the lead singer (who I always want to call Mike Judge, but is really Mike Score) is the same guy, but the rest of him was totally different. Including his voice. It was horrifying. The other groups/artists sounded OK, and I’ll be keeping this show on the schedule. It does make me realize how amazing it is that the guys in Duran Duran all still look somewhat the same, and sound just like they did 20 years ago.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC): Most of the contestants, I don’t care about. Except for John O’Hurley, who I find fascinating. It’s like watching ice skating, but without the awesome falling-on-asses.

Hell’s Kitchen (FOX): Chef Gordon Ramsay is a huge asshole, and I love it. This is one of the better reality offerings from FOX, not quite as trashy as their usual offerings of brides-to-be and dwarves-in-love. Definitely a keeper.

Lost (ABC): So it’s not reality TV. Apparently they’re starting the season over again for summer reruns, so now’s my chance to catch up and find out if it’s really all that.

As for movies, we finally tried watching Napoleon Dynamite last night. Scott apparently found it really familiar and similar to his own high school experience. Me, I found it incredibly boring. We made it through half, then stopped the DVD. He’ll want to go finish it later, but I don’t care if I ever see the ending.

Upcoming entertainment: Scott’s sure to drag me to Batman Begins, which comes to the IMAX in less than a fortnight. Then July brings Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (also coming to IMAX) and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince just a day apart. I’m not pre-ordering; with Order of the Phoenix, I just went to Target and bought it on release day. They had stacks and stacks. I figure this one won’t be much different.

Workplace Theater Presents: “The Star Wars Conversation”

CB: Coworker B
ME: Me
BB: Big Boss

BB: (on the way out the door) I better get these parking passes to the movie theater so they give me my Star Wars tickets!

(BB exits, approximately two minutes of silence)

CB: How is James Cameron able to do all of those Star Wars prequels?
ME: Uh, what?
CB: How can James Cameron make those Star Wars movies?
ME: What Star Wars movies?
CB: You know, those prequels that he did.
ME: I don’t know what you’re talking about, what prequels did James Cameron do?
CB: You know, the ones before the first ones, there was one that was “Phantom” something.
ME: Do you mean episodes one, two and three? That’s not James Cameron, it’s George Lucas.
CB: Oh, that’s right. (pause) So how is he able to do the prequels?
ME: What do you mean?
CB: Well, how did he get the rights to do them?
Me: Um . . . George Lucas is the original director and writer of Star Wars. He has all the rights already.
CB: Oh, huh!

FIN