From today’s Performer’s Callboard:

Casting Call: Mark Burnett Seeks Next Great Rock Star (Nationwide)
Mark Burnett Productions is looking for the Next Great Rock Star and is
holding auditions is several major cities in the upcoming weeks. Ultimately he or
she who wins the competition, will become the new lead singer for the rock
group INXS and accompany the band on a worldwide concert tour and become part of
the group’s next album. For city/venue locations, dates and times, go to
http://www.cbs.com/ and click on The Next Great Rock Star. The show is schedule
to debut on CBS this summer.

I don’t think this is my bag, but I know quite a few people who might do well.

Dragged Scott off today to see The Phantom of the Opera. We were going to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou afterward, but the 2:40 showing was sold out, and I didn’t want to hang out downtown for two hours. We’ll see it soon.

Anyhoo, back to Phantom. I’m a fan of the musical, so my expectations were pretty high. How did it disappoint me? Let me count the ways:

The girl playing Christine was the worst . . . lip-syncher . . . EVER. You sing in the studio with a ton of vibrato, you should probably let your chin wiggle. At least a little bit. Maybe it was the director’s choice, and if so, poor choice.

The Phantom was totally not grody enough. Even when you got to see his whole disfigurement without mask or wig, it wasn’t enough. And speaking of the Phantom, that guy isn’t a good enough singer for that part. He wasn’t awful, but the role was a little too challenging for him. Plus, the Phantom is supposed to be older. And the new backstory created for him? Lame.

Overall, song lyrics do not make good dialogue. In fact, they sound pretty darned stilted when just spoken. And if you’re editing a musical and take out a chunk, try to make sure you don’t show the next person who would have sung a line open their mouth and draw a big breath, then cut away abruptly. Tacky. But not quite as tacky as taking a haunting romantic duet (my favorite song from this show, in fact) and ruining it by having dancing mimes in the background.

I offer this film a 6 out of 10, based mostly on the nice costumes and sets. Which were still fairly overdone. I need to watch Evita to get the taste of bad movie musical out of my mouth.

Meanwhile, we got the packages from Best Buy — a DVD of Napoleon Dynamite in one, a Best Buy gift card in the other. Neither one has any indication of who they came from. Both my brother and Scott’s younger brother are potential suspects, since we haven’t seen any gift from either of them. It would be especially creepy if one came from one brother and the other came from the other. We haven’t seen Napoleon Dynamite yet, though my droogies all think it’s fantastic. Otherwise, a good Annual Gift Grab — there’s only a couple of things to return to the store.

The new album by the reunited Duran Duran, Astronaut, came out today. I’ve previewed the tracks (dang I love the internets!) and I’ll definitely be buying this sucker.

I can get it for $9.99 at iTunes, but it looks like there’s also a limited edition which includes a bonus DVD. So I may have to go hit an actual record store.

TiVo is recording Good Morning America right now, and there are some 4 or 5 other show appearances this week where D2 will be performing.

So last night Scott and I went to see the magnificent musical that is Starlight Express. My folks absolutely adore this show, and have seen it probably a dozen times in various places (I guess it’s a house show in one of the Vegas casinos). When they saw it was coming to Seattle, they bought us tickets.

I’d seen the show once before, back in Days of Olde (1990). It was a very different show back then — this version we just saw is technically The NEW Starlight Express. Which is a fancy way of saying, “we took out your three favorite songs, Missy, and replaced them with rapping and such to attract today’s audience.”

At any rate, it was still awesome in its cheesiness. The trains! They sing and dance! They fall in love … just like trains do! Scott suffered through, and I think he even enjoyed it for how godawful freaky it is. When I saw that show at age 18, I thought it would be supremely cool to be in it. Honestly, I still think it would be a cool show to be in.

I love the musical The Fantasticks.

However, I now have to wash the taste of the movie version out of my mouth.

They deleted songs. They rewrote songs. They hacked chunks out of songs. The acting was so-so at best, as was the singing. Joey McIntyre as the boy-in-love was atrocious. Not only is his voice reedy and weak, he looks like the dumbest person ever to crawl the earth. All of the simplicity, the beauty, the magic of this play have been sucked out.

I’ve seen the play several times, own the soundtrack on CD and on original vinyl, and know all of the songs by heart. And I can honestly say the 1995 movie version of this musical sucks ass.

Last night, coming home from poker night at a friend’s house, Scott and I heard something on the radio for the first time.

It was a little something called The Christmas Shoes.

You may note, I don’t refer to this as a song. I won’t even refer to it as a “tune.” Because to compare this piece of offal to music would only cheapen actual music. It was the most disgusting piece of crapulence ever to assault my ears. I absolutely cannot believe there are people who “love” that hunk of garbage.

Strangely, if I’d first heard the song under the auspices that it was a mocking parody of Xmas tunes, I would applaud it. Scott wondered if it was written by Trey Parker.

Last night, I tortured Scott and watched the four hour presentation of Oklahoma! on PBS. It’s part of the Great Performances series, and starred Hugh Jackman as Curley. Yes, that’s right. Hugh Jackman. (And when I hear that name, my brain automatically turns it into Huge Ackman.) The man has a fantastic singing voice.

It was a pretty good show, but an eerie experience for me. I haven’t seen a production of Oklahoma! since the one I was actually in, some dozen-plus years ago. So all of the dialog was spookily familiar, and I still knew all the songs. Fascinating.

During the scenes where Curley fistfights with Jud Fry, Scott kept commenting that “now would be a good time for his claws to come out.”

I’ve decided that if I ever write a musical, it will be a nice and tidy 45-minute affair. None of these 10 minute dance breaks or lengthy dream ballets or anything.

I turned on Yahoo! Messenger. Always good for a laugh, since total strangers can see that you’re online and just chat you up. It would appear this one found me through my Yahoo! LaunchCast station, since they’re commenting on my dubious musical tastes. Yes, I like the Spice Girls. They’re entertaining fluff. Deal with it.

dancinchica2145: hey
the_missy: Yes?
dancinchica2145: u like the spice girls?
the_missy: Sure, why not.
dancinchica2145: u do
dancinchica2145: weirdo
the_missy: Thanks, stranger. You’re too kind.
dancinchica2145: but the spice girls r weird
the_missy: Oh, “r” they? I had no idea.
dancinchica2145: theyre gay
the_missy: I seem to recall most of them marrying men.
dancinchica2145: how old r u
the_missy: 85
the_missy: 12
dancinchica2145: no u aint
the_missy: 194
dancinchica2145: u 12? and u like da spice girls
the_missy: No matter what my age, obviously I lack your eloquence.
dancinchica2145: u freak
the_missy: Please forgive me, I tend to only write in complete sentences.

Pearl Jam Guitarist Goes Public with Crohn’s

I have so much respect for this guy for coming out about his disease. Crohn’s can be such an embarrassing topic, it’s hard to be open about just how sick you can be. I’m glad to see someone in the public eye speaking out about the disease. You can damn well bet that if I’m ever famous in any way, I’ll be more than open about my Crohn’s, because I know only too well the shame and pain and feeling of being alone that such a disease can bring.

Want to know more? Visit the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America.