Every network is smothering us with ads for the new fall season, so I went to the ol’ TV Guide site to map out what we’ll be recording.

Boy, I guess scheduling the TiVo won’t be as hard as I thought it would be. What with Lost done, and must-sees like American Idol not showing up until mid-season, there aren’t really any bottlenecks. I only have two brand-new shows on my list, and I don’t necessarily expect them to stay on the list for long. Here’s what we’ll be watching this fall:

Monday
8:00 House (FOX)
10:00 Castle (ABC)

I guess I could record Dancing with the Stars in its two-hour block from 8-10, but there isn’t a single celebrity who interests me this season. I know NBC is desperate for us sci-fi fans to check out The Event, but it doesn’t look interesting either. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll check out the Hawaii Five-0 reboot in the 10pm hour.

Tuesday
8:00 No Ordinary Family (ABC)
8:00 Glee (FOX)
8:00 The Biggest Loser (NBC) (via Hulu the following week)

Here’s the one spot of the week where three shows are on at the same time. But if No Ordinary Family turns out to be a steamer, the problem is solved. Last year, because of Lost, we watched The Biggest Loser via Hulu. They have a one-week delay on the episodes, but nobody spoiled me, and the season rolled on just fine. Not to mention our antenna isn’t that reliable with NBC, so we’d be using Hulu most of the time anyway. In other news, I’m still not sure why I watch Glee. I’ve figured out that I don’t like Matthew Morrison at all, but … I guess the music is usually interesting.

Wednesday
8:00 Survivor (CBS)
8:00 America’s Next Top Model (CW)

Wednesday appears to have become reality night. Survivor moved there from Thursday, which is actually a huge help. There’s also Hell’s Kitchen on at 9, but I removed the season pass halfway through this last season. It’s just a horrible show full of horrible people. Though some might say that about ALL reality TV.

Thursday
8:30 Shit My Dad Says (CBS)
9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
9:00 Fringe (FOX)

We’ve dropped both CSI and The Office from the Thursday at 9 spot — CSI got boring once William L. Petersen left, and The Office is an NBC show: crappy antenna reception, and available on the Hulu. We’ll try out the new Shatcom, which I prefer to keep profane, but I have a sneaking feeling I’ll find it uncomfortably unfunny, like I find most sitcoms.

Friday
9:00 The Good Guys (FOX)

Wow, Friday. That’s it? Okay then.

Saturday
(rest)

There’s not a single thing. Then again, the schedule has college football listed for ABC, “local” for CW, lots of Cops on FOX, and NBC just reads “repeats” for the whole night. I guess that will be Netflix streaming night. Bring on The IT Crowd!

Sunday
8:00 The Amazing Race (CBS)
9:00 Undercover Boss (CBS)

This is, clearly, feel-good reality night (as opposed to Wednesday, which I’m renaming backstabby reality night). The best reality show on TV (and the only one I’d want to be on), The Amazing Race will always be at the top of our season pass list. And Undercover Boss was charming last season. Hopefully they’ll adjust the formula a little bit, to make it just a splash less treacly.

So that’s what we’ll be watching this season. I keep thinking of trying out Bones, but they have so many seasons under their belt, it’d be hard to start now. Maybe we’ll check it out on DVD. I also keep hearing about Mad Men, but it doesn’t interest me. Not to mention all of the shows on HBO and Showtime, two channels we don’t get. But I think this will be more than enough.

Well, well, well … if it isn’t the winter TV season. I don’t remember when we started breaking up the TV year into so many chunks, but I’m used to it now. Is February even still a sweeps period?

Anyhoo, let’s take a look at what’s coming up. The first season premiere is tomorrow: The Biggest Loser, a couples season which has three people topping Shay’s starting weight from last time. Which means it’s certainly possible the show will have its first 500-pound contestant. I love reality shows in the learn-and-improve-and-grow vein, although I do cringe whenever they do awkwardly acted bits about gum or Subway, and when the trainers give nutrtion advice regarding “healthy grains” and other low-fat BS.

Also this fortnight: American Idol is back with auditions starting on the 12th; I haven’t missed an episode yet, and I don’t plan on starting now. Thank goodness FOX and Time/Warner came to an agreement, so we still get FOX programming. Project Runway follows quickly on the 14th, with a new Lifetime season. They’re back to New York, which should be a refreshing return to “normal”. There’s also a second season of Models of the Runway, a half-hour fluffy bit of filler.

What Not to Wear is back on the 8th, and I’m terribly happy about that. I may wear t-shirts and jeans/shorts most of the year, but I’d like to think I could be fashionable if I really put my mind to it.

In fictional TV, the 11th brings the return of Fringe and Castle, which couldn’t be more different in tone, but I really enjoy them both. Except for Stana Katic’s mullet. House is also back on the same day. On the 14th, Grey’s Anatomy starts back up, which I think I may still watch out of habit. It’s probably jumped a half-dozen sharks by now.

We’re also very excited about Archer, coming to FX on the 14th. An animated spy show starring Jon Benjamin? It MUST be awesome.

The back half of the month, as well as early February, have a lot more juicy tidbits to offer. On my schedule: Human Target (1/17: Mark Valley is no Rick Springfield.); Caprica (1/22: Looks kind of weird, but I’ll give it a sporting chance.); Kitchen Nightmares (1/29: We may have fresh episodes of the BBC and FOX versions on at the same time, how exciting is THAT?!); Shear Genius (2/3: One of Bravo’s endless Runway clones, always good for drama.); Undercover Boss (2/7: CEOs go undercover in entry-level jobs in their companies — yet another copy of a British show.); Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains (2/11: The magic part is that the all-stars have no idea who Russel is!); The Amazing Race (2/14: If you watch one reality show, let it be this one. The best reality show on TV.).

Oh, and there’s that little show Lost returning on 2/2.

What are you watching? What are you going to watch? What’s exciting you, or boring you?

We had family visiting on Wednesday and Thursday. It was a lot of fun, but also tough as far as TV viewing goes. Those are prime viewing nights! So on Friday we caught up on a lot of shows, and today I tackled some stuff that’s just mine.

Warehouse 13: This was the season finale; the show was a short-run summer series. It improved throughout the season, and I’d say they’re finally figuring out what the show should be. It’s already renewed for another season, and I’ll continue to watch.

The Biggest Loser: Kudos to the contestants for beating the week 2 curse. But no kudos to Bob and Jillian for their nutrition advice. I’ve done more nutritional research than some doctors, and there were a couple of horrifying moments in this show. First off, Jillian told contestants that “calories in, calories out” is a universal truth. Which is wrong. Then Bob let fly the fact that the female contestants eat only 1200 calories per day. I can’t wait to see what other dangerously unhealthy things are done this season.

So You Think You Can Dance: The auditions continue. Not much to say; looks like this season is going to have some excellent talent.

Top Chef: Las Vegas: We’re still betting on a top three of “The Laser” (Jen), “Beardo” (Kevin), and one of the brothers. There seem to be a lot of really talented chefs this season … and a couple that don’t seem terribly great. Why is Robin still there?

Glee: I know a lot of people really like this show. I’m not particularly one of them. I find it to be a bunch of unlikeable people (some of them more so than others) involved in uninteresting or unrealistic situations. I’m giving it one more episode, to try and pull me in. If next week doesn’t rock my world, it’s off the TiVo.

Survivor: Samoa: Poor purple team! They’re getting so little screen time. The yellow team and that grotesque Russell are just such good TV. I have to give the guy props for finding the hidden immunity idol without a single clue, but other than that he’s a horrible little troll. Of course, that’s exactly what the producers want me to think.

Grey’s Anatomy: Two hours of season premiere was a bit much. And it was, overall, a very depressing two hours. Although the surprise ending may bring in some fresh characters and interesting situations.

Project Runway: This season is good, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have a favorite, and there’s nobody to hate. There are a few designers who are doing well, and could possibly win, but nobody’s designs are setting my world on fire. And there’s no Wendy Pepper or Santino Rice, no loathsome douche who I can love to hate. And that’s half the fun of the show.

Fringe: If you’re not watching Fringe, you should. Supernatural sci-fi mystery stuff, done exceptionally well.

America’s Next Top Model: The shorties are making up for their height with drama. Bickering, infighting, bitchiness, cattiness … it’s all there. Good stuff.

Tonight we’ll tackle the Dollhouse season premiere. I have high hopes, since the show improved through the first season. And of course I watched Dancing with the Stars this week (Go, Sensei Ping!) and recapped the episodes separately. Oh, and tomorrow: The Amazing Race begins! I better pace myself, so the TiVo doesn’t catch fire.

I just watched the 2-hour premiere of America’s Next Top Model. This season, the contestants can be no taller than 5’7″. Thank goodness, it appears that crazy doesn’t discriminate.

Unfortunately, the most insane girl, a weird jesus freak, dropped out. But we still have the strangely quiet girl, the angry girl, the hick, the girl with the broken foot, and a passel of other tiny lovelies. The most startling thing so far is that Tyra looks like a frightening monster next to these girls. It’s like seeing a beautiful Hagrid next to the little Hogwarts students.

It does disturb me that Tyra keeps calling these girls “petite”. I don’t know that I’d call a 5’7″ girl “petite”, since petite fashion is for chicks under 5’3″. But I’ll still watch.

We also had the first audition episode of So You Think You Can Dance this week. It would appear that tap dancers are going to bring it this year. I’ll be rooting for Ryan Kasprzak.

Coming up in the next three weeks: The Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Next Iron Chef, and probably more. Not to mention the scripted shows. And the reality shows already in full swing, like Project Runway, Hell’s Kitchen, and Top Chef: Las Vegas. Some would say it’s too much TV. I say, bring it on.