Every network is smothering us with ads for the new fall season, so I went to the ol’ TV Guide site to map out what we’ll be recording.

Boy, I guess scheduling the TiVo won’t be as hard as I thought it would be. What with Lost done, and must-sees like American Idol not showing up until mid-season, there aren’t really any bottlenecks. I only have two brand-new shows on my list, and I don’t necessarily expect them to stay on the list for long. Here’s what we’ll be watching this fall:

Monday
8:00 House (FOX)
10:00 Castle (ABC)

I guess I could record Dancing with the Stars in its two-hour block from 8-10, but there isn’t a single celebrity who interests me this season. I know NBC is desperate for us sci-fi fans to check out The Event, but it doesn’t look interesting either. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll check out the Hawaii Five-0 reboot in the 10pm hour.

Tuesday
8:00 No Ordinary Family (ABC)
8:00 Glee (FOX)
8:00 The Biggest Loser (NBC) (via Hulu the following week)

Here’s the one spot of the week where three shows are on at the same time. But if No Ordinary Family turns out to be a steamer, the problem is solved. Last year, because of Lost, we watched The Biggest Loser via Hulu. They have a one-week delay on the episodes, but nobody spoiled me, and the season rolled on just fine. Not to mention our antenna isn’t that reliable with NBC, so we’d be using Hulu most of the time anyway. In other news, I’m still not sure why I watch Glee. I’ve figured out that I don’t like Matthew Morrison at all, but … I guess the music is usually interesting.

Wednesday
8:00 Survivor (CBS)
8:00 America’s Next Top Model (CW)

Wednesday appears to have become reality night. Survivor moved there from Thursday, which is actually a huge help. There’s also Hell’s Kitchen on at 9, but I removed the season pass halfway through this last season. It’s just a horrible show full of horrible people. Though some might say that about ALL reality TV.

Thursday
8:30 Shit My Dad Says (CBS)
9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
9:00 Fringe (FOX)

We’ve dropped both CSI and The Office from the Thursday at 9 spot — CSI got boring once William L. Petersen left, and The Office is an NBC show: crappy antenna reception, and available on the Hulu. We’ll try out the new Shatcom, which I prefer to keep profane, but I have a sneaking feeling I’ll find it uncomfortably unfunny, like I find most sitcoms.

Friday
9:00 The Good Guys (FOX)

Wow, Friday. That’s it? Okay then.

Saturday
(rest)

There’s not a single thing. Then again, the schedule has college football listed for ABC, “local” for CW, lots of Cops on FOX, and NBC just reads “repeats” for the whole night. I guess that will be Netflix streaming night. Bring on The IT Crowd!

Sunday
8:00 The Amazing Race (CBS)
9:00 Undercover Boss (CBS)

This is, clearly, feel-good reality night (as opposed to Wednesday, which I’m renaming backstabby reality night). The best reality show on TV (and the only one I’d want to be on), The Amazing Race will always be at the top of our season pass list. And Undercover Boss was charming last season. Hopefully they’ll adjust the formula a little bit, to make it just a splash less treacly.

So that’s what we’ll be watching this season. I keep thinking of trying out Bones, but they have so many seasons under their belt, it’d be hard to start now. Maybe we’ll check it out on DVD. I also keep hearing about Mad Men, but it doesn’t interest me. Not to mention all of the shows on HBO and Showtime, two channels we don’t get. But I think this will be more than enough.

Well, well, well … if it isn’t the winter TV season. I don’t remember when we started breaking up the TV year into so many chunks, but I’m used to it now. Is February even still a sweeps period?

Anyhoo, let’s take a look at what’s coming up. The first season premiere is tomorrow: The Biggest Loser, a couples season which has three people topping Shay’s starting weight from last time. Which means it’s certainly possible the show will have its first 500-pound contestant. I love reality shows in the learn-and-improve-and-grow vein, although I do cringe whenever they do awkwardly acted bits about gum or Subway, and when the trainers give nutrtion advice regarding “healthy grains” and other low-fat BS.

Also this fortnight: American Idol is back with auditions starting on the 12th; I haven’t missed an episode yet, and I don’t plan on starting now. Thank goodness FOX and Time/Warner came to an agreement, so we still get FOX programming. Project Runway follows quickly on the 14th, with a new Lifetime season. They’re back to New York, which should be a refreshing return to “normal”. There’s also a second season of Models of the Runway, a half-hour fluffy bit of filler.

What Not to Wear is back on the 8th, and I’m terribly happy about that. I may wear t-shirts and jeans/shorts most of the year, but I’d like to think I could be fashionable if I really put my mind to it.

In fictional TV, the 11th brings the return of Fringe and Castle, which couldn’t be more different in tone, but I really enjoy them both. Except for Stana Katic’s mullet. House is also back on the same day. On the 14th, Grey’s Anatomy starts back up, which I think I may still watch out of habit. It’s probably jumped a half-dozen sharks by now.

We’re also very excited about Archer, coming to FX on the 14th. An animated spy show starring Jon Benjamin? It MUST be awesome.

The back half of the month, as well as early February, have a lot more juicy tidbits to offer. On my schedule: Human Target (1/17: Mark Valley is no Rick Springfield.); Caprica (1/22: Looks kind of weird, but I’ll give it a sporting chance.); Kitchen Nightmares (1/29: We may have fresh episodes of the BBC and FOX versions on at the same time, how exciting is THAT?!); Shear Genius (2/3: One of Bravo’s endless Runway clones, always good for drama.); Undercover Boss (2/7: CEOs go undercover in entry-level jobs in their companies — yet another copy of a British show.); Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains (2/11: The magic part is that the all-stars have no idea who Russel is!); The Amazing Race (2/14: If you watch one reality show, let it be this one. The best reality show on TV.).

Oh, and there’s that little show Lost returning on 2/2.

What are you watching? What are you going to watch? What’s exciting you, or boring you?

I can’t believe we’re into the 15th season of The Amazing Race. Hopefully it continues to be the best reality show on television. The show launched last night with a two-hour premiere, and right out of the gate there were some changes. One team was eliminated at the first challenge, before ever leaving the first city. The first pit stop was a non-elimination leg.

The teams first went to Japan, where they particpated in the probably-fake Japanse game show “Sushi Roulette”. In our house, we always discuss who would take what challenge. Scott is the go-to guy for eating anything, so he would have taken on the “wasabi bomb” (and he probably would have wolfed that sucker). The teams then had to lead groups of tourists to a park, where they stopped for the non-elimination pit stop. Then it was on to Vietnam for the second leg, where teams had to pack nutrient-rich mud onto tree roots, then move on to a Road Block that involved herding ducks. This would have totally been my challenge. The teams made their way to a riverboat in a marketplace to end the leg.

There are, as always, a bunch of mediocrity and jerkfaces, and very few cool contestants. Let’s check them out!

Meghan & Cheyne: She’s a cutesy blonde. His hair is slathered with gel to within an inch of its life. They don’t seem too offensive so far, but they’re not terribly interesting either. Hopefully they show some more personality as the race goes on. Oh, and his name is pronounced like “Shane”. When I see it in print, my brain pronounces it like “Cheney”.

Maria & Tiffany: They’re professional poker players, although they tried to tell everyone that they’re social workers for some generic non-profit (a lie which was exposed in their first foreign airport). I’ve seen Tiffany play — she made the top 20 in the 2008 World Series of Poker main event. That’s where I learned to loathe her. And it looks like her personality in this race isn’t too different from her personality at the poker table. They were the last team to arrive in the very first leg, and lucked out into a non-eliminiation stop. They recovered well, but I won’t be rooting for them.

Marcy & Ron: The dating oldsters, a staple of the race. Although I never would have guessed that they’re both 60; they look much more like 50 to me. Good for them. So far, they’re not standing out; middle of the pack in the race as well as in entertainment value.

Lance & Keri: He’s a laywer, and she has the thickest Boston accent I’ve ever heard. They’re engaged. So far he’s a big lunky meathead (it’s very hard to believe that he’s actually a lawyer) and she’s nondescript. He seems to have the potential to be a big, loud bully. It’ll be interesting to see if he starts dominating and pushing his teammate.

Herb & Nate: They’re two Harlem Globetrotters, and they’re not shy about letting everyone know. I’m going in not liking them, since my inside source tells me that when the Globetrotters came to WDW as VIP guests, they were rude jerks. Imagine mocking the other guests to their faces because they were given VIP treatment. Ugh. They’re going by their Globetrotter names on the show, but Phil called them by their real names, and so shall I.

Gary & Matt: One of the other teams dubbed them “Pinky and the Brain” because of Matt’s pink hair. They’re the classic father-and-son team who are so very different, and hope the race will bring them together. Gary has been very supportive of his son so far, and I think they’re going to do well. They’re also very likeable. I hope for a better team nickname.

Garrett & Jessica: Their relationship is that they’re “dating on and off”. Which means that they’ve broken up many, many times. Oh, that’ll make for good racing. They’re one of the many unlikeable, boring hetero couples the race always seems to get. At least we don’t have to worry about being bored by them; they were eliminated at the end of leg 2.

Brian & Ericka: A married interracial couple! She’s a former Miss America! And they both have dreams of being singers? Weird. So far, they’re like a thousand other hetero married/dating couples; calling each other “babe”, bickering and infighting, and getting red-faced and frustrated with each other. They may make for some good drama.

Eric & Lisa: Married yoga teachers. With tattoos. Riding a Harley together. He has hair long enough to put into a ponytail, which automatically places him in the “douche” column until proven otherwise. Sadly, he doesn’t have the chance to prove it otherwise — they were the team eliminated in the start city at the very first challenge. Toodles, guys!

Sam & Dan: Gay christian brothers. Now that sounds like a formula for good TV. They seem like OK guys, but they could easily turn douchey with the wrong moves. For now, they’re going to pretend to be straight in order to get in Maria & Tiffany’s good graces. I’m all for those two broads being duped, so go for it, boys.

Zev & Justin: Zev has Asperger’s Syndrome, and is a classic poster child for the social awkwardness. But he’s also very funny, and makes all sorts of great observations. Justin, according to his bio, is a VP for National Lampoon. Funny that his partner is the really funny one. They’re doing great so far, and right now they’re my team to root for.

Mika & Canaan: She’s a singer. He’s a songwriter. They’re both southern. According to his bio, Canaan’s favorite things to do with Mika are “writing songs and making out.” Stay classy, Canaan! I can’t remember which of the hetero-with-blonde teams, these two or Meghan & Cheyne, are the die-hard christians who don’t stop talking about their faith. All I know is that my fingers want to call these two “Mike & Cannan”.

Next week: things happen! People fight! Travel occurs! And I’ll be watching it all.

We had family visiting on Wednesday and Thursday. It was a lot of fun, but also tough as far as TV viewing goes. Those are prime viewing nights! So on Friday we caught up on a lot of shows, and today I tackled some stuff that’s just mine.

Warehouse 13: This was the season finale; the show was a short-run summer series. It improved throughout the season, and I’d say they’re finally figuring out what the show should be. It’s already renewed for another season, and I’ll continue to watch.

The Biggest Loser: Kudos to the contestants for beating the week 2 curse. But no kudos to Bob and Jillian for their nutrition advice. I’ve done more nutritional research than some doctors, and there were a couple of horrifying moments in this show. First off, Jillian told contestants that “calories in, calories out” is a universal truth. Which is wrong. Then Bob let fly the fact that the female contestants eat only 1200 calories per day. I can’t wait to see what other dangerously unhealthy things are done this season.

So You Think You Can Dance: The auditions continue. Not much to say; looks like this season is going to have some excellent talent.

Top Chef: Las Vegas: We’re still betting on a top three of “The Laser” (Jen), “Beardo” (Kevin), and one of the brothers. There seem to be a lot of really talented chefs this season … and a couple that don’t seem terribly great. Why is Robin still there?

Glee: I know a lot of people really like this show. I’m not particularly one of them. I find it to be a bunch of unlikeable people (some of them more so than others) involved in uninteresting or unrealistic situations. I’m giving it one more episode, to try and pull me in. If next week doesn’t rock my world, it’s off the TiVo.

Survivor: Samoa: Poor purple team! They’re getting so little screen time. The yellow team and that grotesque Russell are just such good TV. I have to give the guy props for finding the hidden immunity idol without a single clue, but other than that he’s a horrible little troll. Of course, that’s exactly what the producers want me to think.

Grey’s Anatomy: Two hours of season premiere was a bit much. And it was, overall, a very depressing two hours. Although the surprise ending may bring in some fresh characters and interesting situations.

Project Runway: This season is good, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have a favorite, and there’s nobody to hate. There are a few designers who are doing well, and could possibly win, but nobody’s designs are setting my world on fire. And there’s no Wendy Pepper or Santino Rice, no loathsome douche who I can love to hate. And that’s half the fun of the show.

Fringe: If you’re not watching Fringe, you should. Supernatural sci-fi mystery stuff, done exceptionally well.

America’s Next Top Model: The shorties are making up for their height with drama. Bickering, infighting, bitchiness, cattiness … it’s all there. Good stuff.

Tonight we’ll tackle the Dollhouse season premiere. I have high hopes, since the show improved through the first season. And of course I watched Dancing with the Stars this week (Go, Sensei Ping!) and recapped the episodes separately. Oh, and tomorrow: The Amazing Race begins! I better pace myself, so the TiVo doesn’t catch fire.

I just watched the 2-hour premiere of America’s Next Top Model. This season, the contestants can be no taller than 5’7″. Thank goodness, it appears that crazy doesn’t discriminate.

Unfortunately, the most insane girl, a weird jesus freak, dropped out. But we still have the strangely quiet girl, the angry girl, the hick, the girl with the broken foot, and a passel of other tiny lovelies. The most startling thing so far is that Tyra looks like a frightening monster next to these girls. It’s like seeing a beautiful Hagrid next to the little Hogwarts students.

It does disturb me that Tyra keeps calling these girls “petite”. I don’t know that I’d call a 5’7″ girl “petite”, since petite fashion is for chicks under 5’3″. But I’ll still watch.

We also had the first audition episode of So You Think You Can Dance this week. It would appear that tap dancers are going to bring it this year. I’ll be rooting for Ryan Kasprzak.

Coming up in the next three weeks: The Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Next Iron Chef, and probably more. Not to mention the scripted shows. And the reality shows already in full swing, like Project Runway, Hell’s Kitchen, and Top Chef: Las Vegas. Some would say it’s too much TV. I say, bring it on.

Oh, The Amazing Race, I’ve missed you so!

Imagine my surprise to see this race start in Seattle. Also imagine my surprise that the racers once again passed within 5 blocks of my home.

Now, imagine one more time, seeing the racers on the freeway, headed for the airport. They’re all stuck in traffic, and we finally see why — an accident in which a double tanker truck looks pretty much folded in half. We both freaked out, because we were on the freeway that day, headed down to IKEA (near the airport) and passed that SAME accident!

This is bound to be a fantastic race.

It’s been a while … so here are some observations after this latest episode of The Amazing Race.

I know a lot of people don’t like the bowling moms, because they lied to the father-daughter team about needing to get their money exchanged at the airport. However, having watched every episode of every season of this show, I believe that lies and misinformation are a perfectly acceptable tactic when racing. Heck, I would never take the advice of a competing team without double-checking that info with a neutral third party.

And thusly, I’m rooting for the bowling moms. Let me tell you, I was full of GLEE when the teams found out that their 6-hour lead over the moms was gone. And I was downright giddy when they came in 4th. I don’t know why, but I figured it was going to be a non-elimination leg. At least Team Irritating Bitchy Not-as-Pretty-as-They-Think Blondes got all of their money stripped … though if the teams don’t get much money for the start of the next leg, Chip and Kim won’t be in much better shape.

I desperately wanted Colin to be arrested. Oh, that would have been sweet. But just like with Teri and Ian before them, I’m almost more angry with Christie for not only putting up with Colin’s toddleresque outbursts, but for actually apologizing to the creep.

Oh, and best. Next-week-on. EVER.

“Which team will try for the Fast Forward, only to find out they’ll have to cut off all their hair?” Oh PLEASE, let it be a team with a vain young girl.

So TiVo, sweet TiVo, didn’t get the last ten minutes of Joe Schmo 2. All of the ads say that it will start at 11:15 on Monday nights … so of course, TiVo records from 11:05 to 12:05. Bad TiVo!

We’ve seen most of the episode … the whole inclusion of Ingrid, the new player Amanda, and so on. But we haven’t seen the wick-lighting ceremony, and we don’t know who gets evicted. So please, no spoilers!

I like what they decided to do with Ingrid, and I think she’ll be up to the challenge of playing along. Despite the actors’ worries that they’re having a hard enough time as “improvisers” … I bet she’ll be better than some of them. Because some of them are pretty poor improvisers. What do you want, a lot of them have in their credits “trained with the Groundlings” … which means they took classes through the Groundlings, but weren’t necessarily fully trained performers. Heck, you could pay one of the local improv companies a small fortune to take their full series of classes and never make it into the group.

You überfans of reality may have noticed that JS2 is using a number of pieces of music from The Mole. I believe they’re both Stone/Stanley properties. I loved the music from The Mole, and have considered buying the soundtrack. So that makes it extra yummy.

Anyhoo, now we have to wait for the Sunday at 8pm repeat to catch that last 10 minutes. SIGH!

Onward to TAR. Scott tells me that the show has already been picked up through another season beyond this one, so maybe we can get off our asses and send in a tape. It would be terrifying, but awesome. And I would totally hug Phil at the end of every leg of the race.

It’s stupid to say how much I love this show. Once again this season, I teared up a little bit when seeing that opening shot of the airplane and hearing the theme song.

After the first episode first impressions, here are my takes on some of the teams:

Linda/Karen (Bowling Moms): These two surprised me. I figured them to be an early out, but they put in a very good first leg. I’m still somewhat Switzerland on whether I like them or not, but they could do well.

Marshall/Lance (Brothers): Well, they’re no Baldies. Instead of being naturally funny fat guys, they’re more naturally mysogynistic-comment-making fat guys. I believe they think those two are one and the same. I have a feeling I’m going to have to put my teamlove somewhere else.

Bob/Joyce (Internet Dating Widowers): Again, surprising. Could they be this season’s Teri and Ian, going the distance? If so, it would appear these two will do it with a lot more support and encouragement of each other.

Kami/Karli (Twin Blondes): Ew. Double Ew. Irritating from the get-go. It was an absolute pleasure to see them walk right by one clue box and have to go back for another. They’re my Heather and Eve, the team I’ll love to hate.

Jim/Marsha (Father/Daughter): 25 stitches in his knee? Holy CRAP! And just like the bowling moms, a good showing in the first leg. I predict that I’ll like them, but they’ll be Philiminated around the halfway point.

Charla/Mirna (Team Gidget): Attitude, ladies! “We’re not going to help anybody unless they help us first”, shortly followed by, “why won’t aaaaanybody heeeeelp us? WAAAAHHH!” I applaud the whole “we’re independent, self-sufficient women” thing, but not if it’s followed by cries about wanting others to help you. I find Mirna, the Slavic-eyed tall one, a lot more irritating and wussier. I believe she’ll actually be the weak link.

Eight Thousand Teams of Beautiful Hetero Couples: As usual, they’re all the same to me at this point. At least one of them got the boot, so there are fewer of them to keep track of. And it really surprised me (and delighted me) to see one of the young, healthy couples get the first boot.