Previously, I had a bunless burger at Fuddrucker’s as part of our moving weekend feasting. And it was a delightful thing.

I’ve had bunless burgers at other places: Burger King puts everything into a little bowl, Red Robin wraps it in lettuce leaves, even the noisy and hideous T-Rex restaurant serves theirs on a plate with decent fixings.

So I decided to try going bunless at Five Guys Burgers & Fries. At least I can still have the fries, which are always fantastic. No gluten in those little fellas.

What a disappointment. Two foil-wrapped bundles, one with lettuce and pickles, the other with a cheese-covered patty. The patty was small and falling apart, and most of the cheese stuck to the foil. I had to scrape like mad. They also gave me little side cups with mayonnaise and onions. I ordered the burger with ketchup and mustard as well, but I didn’t get those. I guess because both can be found on the condiment rack next to the pop machine. (That’s right, Florida, I still won’t say soda. Suck it.)

I scraped my cheese, put it back on the burger, threw on mayo and ketchup, then cut off a piece. The cutting action immediately sliced through the tissue-thin foil and revealed the tabletop underneath. For the rest of the burger, I was very, very delicate with my knifework.

So overall, a great disappointment. I’d say they’re not used to doing burgers without buns, but “no bun” is a programmed option on their cash registers. I’ll just have to go elsewhere for a bunless burger, and only hit Five Guys if I’m either desperate for their fries (I loves them, I do) or if it’s February or beyond and I’m willing to risk the bloat and gas from eating the bun.